


Champagne, Cocaine, Gasoline.

by SpookyFaces



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: But He Gets Better, Drug Use, Drunkenness, F/M, Fluff and Crack, Gay, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Roommates, They all live in one house, and niall with tons of people, but it gets better, fonding, it's a catastrophe, just boys being boys, larry - Freeform, until it's not, zayn's a drug addict, ziam
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-26
Updated: 2019-01-21
Packaged: 2019-07-17 23:38:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 27,694
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16106168
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SpookyFaces/pseuds/SpookyFaces
Summary: Liam should have known it was a bad idea to live in the same house with four other people.It's not that he doesn't love his boys. He definitely loves fishing out Harry's wild curls from his food, or sharing the bathroom with the drama-queen named Louis fucking Tomlinson. He loves how Niall brings home tons of different girls every night, forgetting to send them home in the mornings, so Liam has to apologize for him and lead them out of the house. And of course - he adores Zayn Malik. A drug-addict with unbelievably long eyelashes and unhealthy obsession with weird art.Oh, and there are three dogs that Harry dragged home from the streets. And a cat Zayn stole from the shelter.Yeah, that's it,so far.They live in one house. They try not to kill each-other. Most of the times they fail. Good thing they've got a big basement to hide a body, just in case.





	1. Chapter 1

The loud, brain-piercing sound of the front door shutting.

Heavy footsteps striding through the hallway. A heavy bag thumping to the floor. An exaggerated sigh that screams _"drama"_ followed by cussing.

Liam opens his eyes, blinks them awake before he can roll them with an annoyance. Of course, first rule of living in this stupid, cursed house is to never sleep after 10 p.m., because Louis Tomlinson will make sure to wake you up with his theatrical entrance after his night-shifts. You can cover your ears up with the pillow, lock the doors - nothing works. He will find a way to barge into your room, drop on your bed and make you feel like the most evil person in the world, because _how dare you sleep, when this poor boy worked his ass of at his job._

Liam waits. The footsteps approach his door. Suddenly, he realizes he forgot to put last night's take-out into the fridge. Well, that's gonna look/smell tragic.

Here it comes. The doorknob is turned and after a moment, not-so-heavy weight crushes near Liam's legs.

"Ugh." - High-pitched whine fills up the room.

"Mornin'." - Liam rasps and lifts his head to face his friend. "I see you've picked the lock to my door."

"Yeap." - Louis answers, popping the "p" in the most annoying way possible.

Liam kicks away the covers and sits up in the bed. He runs a hand over his freshly buzzed hair (thanks to Harry Styles and his electric razor) and sighs. He glances down at Louis, who's sprawled out on his bed.

"How's the job?" - He asks. He doesn't really care about the answer, and Louis knows it.

"As usual." - The boy shrugs one shoulder. "Came up with the new recipe of the cocktail. Three people puked the second they've tasted it. I think it's pretty good."

"You're a shitty barman."

"Yeah, and you are a shitty waiter, but nobody complains." - Louis looks up at Liam with a stupid grin plastered on his face.

"You hungry?" - Liam dares to ask.

"Yes! Finally, you mention food. Let's go downstairs and eat something." - Louis jumps up to his feet and strides out of the bedroom. 

Liam rolls his eyes once again, for the better effect and grabs the hoodie from the floor. He puts his sweats on and rushes down to the kitchen, making a quick stop in the bathroom to wash the sleep away.

He steps into the kitchen and is met with the horrible smell of burnt bread and- _is that a butter?_

A bleached-blonde hair peaks out of from behind the fridge.

"Hola!"

"Good morning, Ireland." - Liam flops down on the chair beside Louis, who is busy with an apple-flavored yogurt. Liam's face twists from disgust, so he looks up at Niall with the glimpse of hope in his eyes. "Tell me you've cooked something eatable."

"The burnt toast and butter-soup sounds good?" - The boy responds with a thick Irish accent.

"Butter-soup? What the-you know what, don't respond. Louis, share the yogurt with your friend."

Louis flips Liam off and digs a spoon into his yogurt.

"Hiiiiii." - The deep voice drags a greeting from somwehre behind their backs. Liam turns around in his seat and stares down at the lanky, curly boy sitting on the floor in the corner.

"Hazza." - He blinks. "What the hell are you doing?"

"I was looking for Grace's rubber duck-toy. She lost it somewhere in the kitchen, so I was looking for it under the fridge and tables, but then I got tired and decided to take a nap." - The boy explains with a calm voice. Grace is on of their three dogs. The black labrador, who's missing a left eye. _Shut up, she's the beauty and grace. At least that's what Harry thinks._

"A nap. On the floor. In the kitchen." - Liam repeats.

"Yeah. It's more comfortable than it sounds." - Harry gets up from the floor and approaches the table. His eyes wonder down at Louis and he flashes him a warm smile, all dimples and white rabbity-teeth. Louis blushes furiously and stares down at the yogurt, trying to hide his fondness. Liam clears his throat to break the disgusting "love-bubble" between the two. The second rule of the household-

"Hey! _Fondly staring at each-other and making out is forbidden in the kitchen._ The rules of the roommate agreement have been established and brought to you by Niall James Horan, thank you very much."

"Shut up, Niall." - Louis snaps and points his spoon at the Irish boy, who's sitting on the counter, legs dangling down. "I've heard your lady leaving this morning. I think she forgot her underwear in our bathroom."

"Oh, yeah. Anne." - Niall says dreamily. "She was wild in the bed."

"Yeah, we heard." - Louis glares at him. "Where's Zayn, by the way?"

"I've heard him crawling into his room last night, somewhere near 4 a.m." - Niall responds. "He broke the vase in the hallway and bumped into the walls at least three times."

Harry gasps at the mention of the vase, probably the one he dragged from one of the garage-sales downtown. 

"He was high?" - Louis asks.

"As fuck." - Niall nods. 

Liam's mind doesn't get the chance to wonder away from this conversation and think about Zayn, his dark, thick hair, long fingers or plump lips because that exact familiar silhouette appears in the doorway, swaying from side to side.

Zayn runs a hand through his messy hair and tries to shield his eyes from the fluorescent white light of the kitchen chandelier (once again, thanks to Harry and garage-sales.) The boy is wearing a huge t-shirt and pajama bottoms, and Liam wonders how the fuck he manages to still look like an angel/vogue model.

"Morning." - He mumbles and nears the counter. He grabs an apple from the vase and bites down on it. Liam stares at the way his Adam's apple moves along with every bite he swallows and gulps at the sight. _God, he wishes he could run his tongue over-_

"Hey, Zaynie." - Louis' high-pitched voice snaps him out of his sexual-trance. "You okay?"

Zayn smirks and flops down on the raggedy, leathery couch near the fridge ( _what the hell is the couch doing in the kitchen? Ask Louis Tomlinson, he's the one who came up with the idea._ ) He glances at Liam and winks at him. It sends shivers down Liam's spine, but he chooses not to mention it.

"Fine." - He rasps then. "Have you seen Natasha?"

"Your nude, hairless, ugly-ass cat?" - Louis asks. "I hope she got stuck somewhere in rain-pipes or got flushed down the toilet."

"I hate that cat." - Niall adds. "He's evil."

"First of all, he's a _she_ , you uncultured, rude, gender-assuming swines-" - Zayn snaps.

"-And she's the only creature in the whole world that loves you." - Louis says.

"My mom loves you." - Liam blurts. Zayn glances at him and smiles. The relationship between Zayn and Liam is something none of the boys can get. None of them ever will, in fact. Zayn treats Liam, like he's a small, unprotected kitten, even though he looks like a trained boxer. Liam looks at Zayn, like he's the Sun, Moon and all the stars. And yeah, actually everyone who has seen Zayn thinks the same. 

"Thanks, Lima-bean." - Zayn flashes him a smile.

"I remind of you of the rule number two, dear beloved friends." - Niall clears his throat.

"Yeah? Well, let _me_ remind you of the rule number 6. _No talking shit about each-other's pets._ " - The raven-haired boy snaps, shutting Niall up. Louis opens his mouth to say something sassy, when a fat, very fat, grey dog walks into the kitchen with a heavy paw-steps and stops in the middle of the room, staring lazily at everyone.

"Rory!" - Harry gasps happily.

"Oh Jesus, this dog's still alive?!" - Louis shrieks. "I thought he died a week ago or something."

Harry slaps the back of Louis' neck harshly.

"Don't talk about Rory like that!"

"Harry, the dog's older than the Queen of England." - Louis snaps at the curly boy. Then, he stuffs his mouth with a spoon full of yogurt and glares at the fat dog. 

"Okay, time to feed our pets." - Niall jumps down from the counter and approaches the shelve full of animal's food. "Zayn, find your cat if you don't want him to starve."

" _Her._ " - Zayn hisses. He gets up from the couch, lifts his chin up proudly (and offended) and walks out of the kitchen. 

"He's high, isn't he?" - Harry asks sadly.

"Yeah, his pupils are the size of the moon. He was fucking high. But again, when isn't he?" - Niall says as he pours the water into the dogs' bowls. 

"Grace! Rory! Uber! Time to eat!" - Louis shrieks, his voice piercing the walls and for a moment, it seems like the whole house shakes. Rory slowly drags himself towards his bowl. After a moment, Grace appears out of nowhere, smashing onto chairs and table on her way as she bolts towards the food. Finally, a brown, long ( _as hell_ ) dachshund walks into the kitchen proudly and follows the other two. 

"I can't believe we've named a dog Uber." - Niall mumbles. Harry stares at the dogs fondly, with a grin on his face and eyes full of love and warmth. 

Louis frowns, jealousy eating him alive.

"Hazza, make a coffee for me, will ya?" - He asks.

"Sure, Lou." - Harry nods happily. Louis lifts his middle finger at the dogs when Harry turns away and sticks his tongue out. 

Liam blocks them out from his thoughts. He mentally stops himself from running after Zayn, who seemed off (when doesn't he, actually). He knows Zayn's addiction isn't something he can change or help with. It's been going on for two years now, and none of them can do anything about it. The boy gets high every day, as soon as the sun rises and gets lost in clubs the minute it sets down. They've tried stealing and hiding his money (Niall did), but Zayn somehow managed to get pills "for pretty eyes". Harry has tried not to let him go out at night. Zayn crawled out of his bedroom window on the second floor and almost broke the neck. 

So yeah, they can't help the boy. But, there's one thing - Zayn never gets high if Liam is beside him. He once said he physically can't pop the pills when Liam's sad eyes stare at him. So Liam tries to never leave his side. As it seems, he isn't really successful with that.

" 'M gonna go take a shower." - Niall announces. "Please, don't run the water while I'm in the bathroom."

The blonde boy walks out of the kitchen, leaving Liam alone with his thoughts (if you don't count Louis, who's sipping his freshly made coffee, Harry, who's staring at Louis with a grin and three ugly dogs.)

"The coffee's great, love." - Louis says. 

"I'm glad you like it." - Harry blushes.

Liam fakes a gag and gets up from the chair, dropping his unused plate and fork into the kitchen sink. He leaves the couple in the kitchen and strides out into the living room. He flops down on the green, horribly ugly leather couch and grabs a remote. He hears the water running in the bathroom and a quiet dripping from the basement where the water leaks from the pipes and they have to put a bucket every time someone uses a shower. 

Liam turns on the TV and starts to switch the channels one by one when the loud shriek fills up the house.

 _"Oh my God-Get the hell out of here! You prophet of Satan! Fuck you, you ugly, little rat!"_ \- Niall's voice rings through the walls.

Liam yawns and finally stops switching when he spots a Captain America movie on one of the channels. Suddenly, a weight dips the couch beside him. He turns his head only to be met with soft, brown doe-eyes and dark hair.

"What'cha watching, Lima?" - Zayn asks softly.

"Uh, Captain America?" - Liam stutters, because _hell,_ will he ever get used to Zayn's beauty?

"Mind if I join you?"

"No."

Zayn smiles and puts his head on Liam's shoulder. Liam adores the size difference between them, even though Zayn is a bit older than Liam, he is tiny and small compared to Liam's bulky body. He smiles and wraps a hand around Zayn's thin shoulders.

 _"Zayn, get you bloody, ugly cat out of the shower!"_ \- Niall continues to scream at the top of his lungs. Everybody ignores him.

Nothing new. Typical start of the day in this shitty, rotten household.

_Good morning._


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> seems like Zayn's drug-addiction annoys some of the readers.
> 
> 1) it's been mentioned in the tags, you should read them before opening the story  
> 2) it is going to get better. the story is literally about overcoming the addiction  
> 3) the further events will open Zayn's story even more, showing the real reasons behind everything  
> 4) i have an experience with living in one house with a drug-addict, i wanted to somehow show how wrong and disturbing that it. these people exist and they are struggling on the daily basis. stuff like this happens in real life, this story is just a tiny example.
> 
> thank you for your attention

**Louis.**

Being the oldest one of your siblings is never easy. Especially when none of the parents are around. You have to be the one who packs lunches, does laundry, buys groceries, works an ass off, brings money, cooks food. You have to be the one who takes care of everyone. 

Louis has lived that way for 23 years, with his mother gone and father, well, _gone_ too. First 16 years of his life were somehow bearable, with his grandmother bringing food to him and his siblings every weekend. But, everything that's good comes to an end. Grandma Moira died at Louis 17th birthday. He waited for her to barge into the house with a bag of gifts for him. But she never did. Since that day, Louis became the mother and the father of his siblings. All at once. 

Lottie was one year younger than Louis, she was a big help sometimes. She knew the tricky-ways to get twins to sleep, for example. Felicite was all about financed boarding schools and the day she became 18 years old was the day she left the Tomlinson's household forever. Elder twins were a _mess._ Drama, boys and problems were everything their live rolled around. But Louis was always there for the girls, helping them with homework and breaking noses of fuck boys for them. Then, there were younger twins and Louis' adored the hell out of them. He has seen them all of his siblings grow from tiny, crazy creatures to mature human beings. Finally, when he became 23 years old, he realized it was time for him to move on. Not abandon his family completely, but maybe focus on himself more, for once in his life. Lottie became the legal guardian of the twins and suddenly showed a side of her nobody has ever seen - a caring one. So Louis grabbed his stuff, kissed his siblings on the foreheads, said good byes and moved out.

He saw the ad in the newspaper about guy looking for roommates in the nearest town. He didn't hesitate to call and meet up with the owner of the house. Liam met him with a wide grin and kind, crinkly eyes. He rambled about living alone in a huge house he got from his grandfather and wanting someone to share rooms with. Louis agreed to move in after a minute of talking with Liam.

Since then, he has occupied the tiny bedroom at the end of the hallway and started working as a barman in some fancy club uptown. He calls Lottie everyday, he sends them money and even groceries sometimes, but he can't force himself to visit his old house. He left that part of himself in the past, no matter how wrong that sounds.

After two months of living with Liam, Harry arrived. 

_Harry._ His wild curls, dimpled smiles, kind words and horrible jokes crawled into Louis' heart instantly. The giant, lanky boy chose the room next to Louis' bedroom and has lived there ever since. Occasionally, he drags home horrible, ugly dogs he finds in the streets and even though Louis doesn't really show it, his heart melts at how caring Harry is.

Then Zayn happened. 

Liam met Zayn at his university. The raven-haired boy was an art major, looking for a house to live after being kicked-out of his own house. His traditional family threw Zayn out for being gay and artsy. Not that boy ever really talks about it. Liam brought Zayn home in freezing cold evening in the middle of December. The boy was wearing nothing but a thin sweater and skinny jeans, holding an ugly cat in his hands. He looked miserable. Big, doe eyes full of sadness stared at Louis as Liam tried to prepare boy the drink. Louis cracked a joke about one of Harry's ugly dogs and got a quiet giggle as a response. Something clicked in Louis' heart and somehow, in that exact moment, Zayn became a big part of Louis' soul. After months, Zayn's problems grew even bigger, his mind became darker and darker. Louis never dared to ask anything. He regrets it now, seeing the way Zayn destroys himself without really noticing it, but there isn't much he can do about it, other than hold Zayn is the darkest hours, or leave the room when Liam wraps himself around the broken boy.

Niall barged into the house with a bag full of pretzels and huge, ugly sunglasses resting on his nose. Nobody really asked any questions when he occupied the master's bedroom. He just appeared out of nowhere and became a part of this household.

Wait a minute.

_Stop the frame. Screech. Fast forward to the present day._

Louis scratches his neck as he stares up at Harry, who's standing on the roof of the house, hands wrapped around the TV antenna. His face is red from the struggling, but he doesn't complain. Instead, he twists the antenna to the left and grunts.

"Nope!" - Niall yells from the window of the living room. "Still nothing!"

"Twist harder, Hazza!" - Louis yells at Harry and the boy follows the order. He twists, stumbling and nearly falling down in the process, giving Louis a mini heart-attack.

"Yes! Yes, finally! Stop!" - Niall exclaims with a happy voice.

"It's good, Curly! Oh,-" - Louis blinks up at Harry, who's holding an antenna in the most strange and uncomfortable way possible. "Do you think you can get down without moving it too much?"

"Yeah!" - Harry answers with a high-pitched squel. "Sure! Wait, let me just-"

_Bang._

Harry jumps down from the roof, falling down on his arse, a poor, broken antenna following him. It falls beside Harry with a loud crack, breaking in to peaces. Harry blinks down at the sight.

"And it's gone! Twist it again!" - Niall roars.

Well, seems like they won't be watching football tonight.

__

"You did what?!" - Liam screeches.

Harry sips his tea, embarassement and guilt written all over his face. Louis wraps a protective arm around the boy's shoulders and frowns at Liam.

"Hey now! Hazza almost broke his vertebras while trying to adjust your stupid antenna." 

"But he-It's broken, Louis! That shit costs hundreds of bucks." - Liam whines.

"Well, we can always sell Zayn's cat and buy the new one." - Louis suggest.

"Shut the hell up, we're not selling Natasha. Not now, not ever!" - Zayn growls from where he's sitting on the floor beside TV. His nose is buried in the ancient book and he doesn't even lift his eyes to look at Louis.

"Okay, so we _won't_ watch the TV tonight. Big deal!" - Louis snaps.

"I wanted to watch the golf championship finale." - Niall sighs.

"Please, Niall. Nobody would let you watch that boring-ass sport anyways."

"Did you know that pigs' orgasm can last for more than ten minutes?" - Zayn gasps as he finally looks up from his book.

"No, we did not." - Louis rolls his eyes. "How is that important?!"

"-And dolphins are the only living creatures, beside humans, that have sex only for entertaining purposes." - Zayn adds. "Isn't it fascinating? Ugh, I love this book."

"Zayn."

"Yes, Niall?"

"Shut the fuck up, or I'll shove your cat up your beautiful ass."

"I have an idea! Let's play monopoly tonight!" - Harry suggest suddenly.

"Well, it's not a bad idea." - Liam shrugs.

__

_It is a bad idea._

Louis hides behind the couch as a huge pillow flies towards Niall's bleached head. It smacks the boy across the face painfully.

"You fucking leprechaun! You didn't pay me my money!"

"I gave you my most expensive stock, Payno! What else you want me to do, go bankrupt?!"

"Actually, that stock was mine." - Harry says. "You stole it from me while I was petting Uber."

"Ok, how's this: I won't pay you this time, and for the next month I'll keep Zayn's ugly cat out of your room."

"Don't drag Natasha into this!" - Zayn yells. "And by the way, Niall you owe five hundred bucks."

"No, I don't!" - Niall gasps. He grabs the pillow to throw it at Zayn.

Louis feels someone crawling and flopping down beside him on the floor. He turns around and is met with green eyes and dimply smile.

"Haaaz." - He drags. "Hiding away from Horan's rage?"

"Yeah." - Harry breathes. "He hasn't noticed you've stolen his money, yet."

"Thanks God."

"Louis."

"Yeah?"

"It's 1 a.m."

"So?" - Louis blinks.

"Louis, it's 1 a.m. and Zayn hasn't left the house to go to the club. He hasn't taken anything. I don't think he even remembers that shit right now."

"Oh."

Louis looks at Zayn, who's wrestling with Niall at the moment, rolling around on the floor, thin wrists captured in Niall's strong hands. He's laughing hysterically, tears of joy rolling down his face. Louis' heart fills up with something warm. He hasn't seen Zayn laugh for what feels like years.

"Do you think he's going to be okay?" - Harry asks him quietly.

"Yeah." - Louis breathes. Zayn pushes Niall off and sits up. He runs a hand over his face, wiping away tears and still laughing. His eyes meet Louis' sea-blue ones for a moment. Zayn winks at him before getting back to the wrestling with Irish leprechaun. "Yeah, Haz. He is going to be okay. We're going to make sure of that."


	3. Chapter 3

**Zayn.**

"Fuck. _Shit._ " 

Zayn shuts the drawer with a loud bang and runs a hand through his hair. He bolts towards the bed, kneels in front of it and pulls out the huge backpack from underneath it. His long, shaking fingers run through dozens of different zipped up sections of the bag, finding and grasping nothing each time. He cusses once again and stands up, kicking the bag with his foot. He paces around the room, hands tugging on the roots of his hair. 

"No, this can't be-I can't fucking believe it."

He stops for a second, glancing at the mirror attached to his wall. _Hell,_ he looks scary. His dark hair, messed up and tangled, falls down on his pale face, purple circles are painted around his glassy eyes, lips look chapped and faded. He unglues his eyes from his reflection and stares at the random spot on the wall.

He clearly remembers putting his cash in that fucking drawer. He always puts his money in there. Every fucking time. It couldn't just disappear. It couldn't vanish in the air. _Unless.._

"Motherfucker."

Zayn bolts out of his room and runs down the stairs, straight into the living room. He steps into the room and freezes in the doorframe.

Niall is sprawled out on the couch, stuffing his face with cookies and staring at his phone. Harry is sitting next to him, nose buries in some random book, fingers caressing Louis' head, who is laying on the couch beside him and sleeping. He spots Liam near the window, chatting with someone on the phone. Zayn frowns, his brows knitting together and strides directly towards the boy, ignoring Niall's curious gaze. Liam notices him after a moment, face breaking into smile as he lifts his hand to wave at Zayn.

"Zee, hey. What are you-"

Zayn's hands fly up and clutch Liam's collar, pulling him towards himself. Liam's eyes grow wide as he stares at Zayn shocked, phone still clutched to his ear. Zayn glares at the boy and tugs him forward harshly.

" _You little shit. You motherfucking-_ "

"Yo! Zayn, what the fuck?!" - Niall yells, abandoning his cookies. Harry jumps up to his feet and bolts towards Zayn.

"Harry, don't you fucking dare." - The raven-haired boy hisses without breaking an eye-contact with Liam. Harry freezes, eyes going wide and jaw dropping.

"M-Mom, I'll call you back." - Liam mumbles and drops the phone to the floor with a loud crash. His fingers then wrap around Zayn's thin wrists, who is still holding Liam by his collar. 

"Where's my money?!" - Zayn yells. 

Liam blinks at him, obviously terrified and shocked from Zayn's behavior. He tries to escape from his grasp, but Zayn only tightens his grip.

"Zayn, please-"

"Answer me, Liam! Where's my fucking money?!"

"I haven't touched your money, I swear to you." - Liam whispers shakily. "Zayn, I would never-"

"I know you hate the purposes that I'm using that money for. I know you hate that I buy drugs with them, I've heard you talking to Harry last night!" - Zayn growls. "You said you couldn't find the way to fucking stop me, and I guess you finally did, huh?!"

"Zayn, I didn't-I haven't taken your money." - Liam repeats. "I swear to you. I was just worried about you and I was just saying those things. I would never do that."

Zayn lets out an angry huff and stares down at the boy. Liam's big, teary eyes blink at him with the plead written all over them. Suddenly, Zayn feels dizzy.

He pulls away from Liam, letting the boy stumble back from him. He stares down at his trembling hands, then looks up at Liam, who's standing in front of him. The boy looks lost, confused and-

" _Scared._ " - Zayn breathes. 

Liam is scared of him. Sweet, innocent, trusting, wonderful Liam is scared of horrible, terrifying, twisted Zayn. He shakes his head furiously and steps back. He examines the room around himself slowly. He meets Niall's wide eyes. He tries to ignore Harry's confused gaze and look away from Louis' angry expression. He is suddenly aware that he doesn't remember how to breathe properly, letting out pathetic huffs of breath and dry sobs.

"Zayn,-"

Zayn cuts Liam off with a shake of his head and turns around on his heel, storming away from the room. He runs up the stairs, legs twisting and stumbling on every step. He reaches his room and barges in. He falls down on his knees, hands clutching on the soft rug underneath him. He tries to breathe, tries to fill up his lungs with air but fails. The world feels too tight around him.

"I'm a monster." - He whispers shakily into the thin air. "A monster, _monster_ , fuck."

__

**Liam.**

He is still glued to the spot, staring at the place where Zayn was holding him only a minute ago. His throat feels dry and he is too shocked to function properly. He hears soft footsteps approaching him.

"Liam,-" - Harry says gently. "Buddy, you okay?"

"He's out of his fucking mind." - Louis snaps and shakes his head disappointed. "He's fucking nuts."

"I need to-I've got to check on him." - Liam realizes suddenly. He forces himself to stumble towards the hallway.

"Payno, no! What the fuck?! He'll kill you!" - Niall protests. _Stop exaggerating, for God's sake._ Liam ignores him and strides out of the living room.

He goes upstairs, slowly, giving the shock time to fade away from his mind. His mind feels fuzzy from the last events. He knows he has to be scared, angry, hurt by Zayn's actions. But instead, he feels worried and concerned, because _that_ was not Zayn. 

That was not his giggly, cute, beautiful Zayn. That was a wounded, broken person and Liam has no right to be angry at him. _Not now._

His stops in front of Zayn's room, a door to which is wide open. Zayn is laying on the floor, staring up at the ceiling with glossy eyes. Seems like he doesn't even notice Liam's entrance. The brunette approaches Zayn slowly and kneels beside him.

Suddenly, the weight of situation falls down on him, all at once. He finally realizes what just happened. Zayn attacked him. _Zayn_ attacked _him._ He sits down on the floor and covers his face with hands. Liam feels tears gathering up in his eyes, he feels his chest tightening, feels the way his body starts to shake like a leaf. 

"You came." - He hears a quiet whisper. He unglues hands from his face and looks at Zayn. The boy is still staring up at the ceiling, tears sliding down his face.

"You've hurt me. You thought I-You grabbed me and-I would never steal anything, Zayn I-"

"I'm a monster."

Liam closes his mouth. _No, no,_ Zayn is everything but a monster. He is a beautiful fucking angel, he is not a monster.

"You're not-"

"I am sorry." - Zayn turns his head to face Liam. His brown, doe-eyes are full of unshed tears. He stares at Liam with the most broken expression Liam has ever seen on anyone. "God, Leeyum, I am so sorry."

"Zayn,-"

"I've scared you. I've scared my Liam." - Zayn continues with a shaky voice. "I-I can leave, if you want. Pack my shit and fuck off. You will never see me again, all you have to do is tell me and I'll disappear, I swear-"

"Hey, hey, no, shut up." - Liam crawls towards the smaller boy. He lays down beside Zayn and cradles him into his chest. He tangles his fingers into Zayn's hair and inhales his smell as Zayn hides his face in the crook of his neck. "Don't say that. It's okay, I forgive you. I know you didn't mean it."

"I've hurt you." - Zayn sobs, voice muffled from the fabric of Liam's hoodie. "I-I've-I'm a monster."

"Shh, it's okay. You're not a monster." - Liam says with a soothing voice. "You're okay. We're okay."

They stay silent for the next couple of minutes. Zayn pulls away then suddenly, his shaky hand going into his pocket and pulling out some cramped money.

" 'T was in here. In my pocket. I was so fucking' high I didn't even remember putting it in here." - He whispers.

Liam stares at him, his heart wincing from the sight. _Small, beautiful Zayn_ that doesn't deserve any of this shit.

"I'm done, Leeyum." - Zayn breathes. He looks into Liam's eyes and swallows hardly. "I'm done with it. I'm fucking quitting."

Liam's insides twist. He must be imagining it, this can't be real. Zayn has never, even once in two years, said anything about quitting. 

"Zayn, what are you saying?"

"Take this." - Zayn hands Liam the money he's holding with his shaking fingers. "Take this and-and take my stash from my bathroom drawer. Flush it down the toilet. Listen to me, this is important. You need to do this, Liam."

Liam stares at Zayn with wide eyes.

"Zayn, are you sure-"

"Don't let me go out alone for at least a week, yeah? Even if I start to talk shit, just-just don't let me."

So this is it. This is the moment that changes everything. This is the second that snaps something in peoples' minds and they decide to save themselves. Liam didn't ever believe it existed. But he sees it now. He feels it.

"Tell the boys, too. I'm done with this shit." - Zayn spits, shaking his head. "It's not worth it. It's not worth hurting you."

"Okay." - Liam breathes. "Yes, of course. Jesus, yes, Zayn. I-I'm here for you. I'll do whatever you need me to do."

"I can go through this." - Zayn says sternly. "I've started this shit for a reason, now I'm ending it for a bigger reason. _You._ "

"I'm here. We can do it. You can do it." - Liam nods, still having a hard time with believing what is going on. _Zayn is quitting._

"My dad can rot in hell for everything he has put me through. I've suffered enough, I've done enough damage to myself and everyone around me because of him. I'm done."

"You're done." - Liam repeats dumbly. 

Zayn puts his hands on the both sides of Liam's face suddenly. His lips crush with Liam's after a moment, catching Liam off guard. He misses a heartbeat when Zayn's lips touch him, when he feels Zayn kissing him with passion, with every emotion at once. His head spins, the world blurs around the edges, but before he can respondd Zayn pulls away.

"Here." - He breathes. "Here, _this_ is a reminder, I have to do it for this. For you. For this fucking kiss. For many other, more kisses that will come afterwards."

Liam smiles and nods, melting under Zayn's touch.

" _This_ is fucking worth it." - Zayn whispers. "I am fucking worth it."

In that exact moment, Liam realizes, nothing will ever be the same with Zayn. Things are going to get better. Slowly. Step by step. They will stumble, will fall. But it will be okay. _For Zayn._


	4. Chapter 4

**Niall.**

"I can't believe we're really doing this."

"Niall, shut up." - Louis snaps at him.

They are gathered in the kitchen around the dining table. There is an big, empty plate in the middle of the table, crunches scattered all over and around it. It looks like a crime scene. _Excuse you, it is a crime scene._

"I'll ask again, where were you last night, around 11 p.m.?" - Louis crosses arms on his chest and glares at Niall.

The blonde boy sighs and rolls his eyes.

"Like I've said, I was in the living room, watching "Sex and the City". Then I went straight to bed."

"So, you're telling me you did not enter the kitchen last night?" - Louis asks.

"Yeah, I didn't."

"Harold." - Louis nods at Harry, who is standing beside him with hands shoved into the front pocket of his hoodie. The curly boy picks out the phone from the pocket and clears his throat.

"At exactly 11:42 I texted Liam, asking if there was any chance he could grab my charger from the kitchen counter. At 11:47 Liam responded with a text-message, that said: _Srry H, im in bed alrdy. Niall's in the kitch,saw him there earlier._ " - Harry finishes reading and looks up at Niall.

"Yeah, I saw you, Nialler." - Liam says. He is sitting on the chair in front of Niall.

Louis slams his hands on the table and points a finger at Niall. 

"Niall James Horan, were you or were you not in the kitchen last night?!" 

"Why does it matter?!" - Niall shouts back.

"Did you eat my cracker?!" 

"Louis, I did not eat your fucking cracker, okay?! I came here to steal some juice from Harry! Here, I've admitted it! You happy now?!"

"You what?!" - Harry gasps, disappointment and betrayal written all over his face. "My-Tell me you didn't drink straight from carton."

"Well, maybe I did! See if I care!" - Niall snaps.

"Oh, God." - Harry flops down the chair with shocked expression. 

"So who the fuck ate my cracker?" - Louis whispers.

"Um, I did." - A quiet voice responds.

Four heads snap to the side where the voice came from. Zayn is standing near the fridge, looking small under his oversized hoodie and sweatpants. His face is pale, drenched of any color. Eyes look unfocused and glassy as he blinks at his friends. He shuffles from one foot to another awkwardly, obviously feeling guilty about his behavior.

"You-You don't even like my crackers." - Louis states confused. "You hate them."

"I do." - Zayn nods. "I just-I got this strange craving and, like, there was nothing else and I just-I don't know. I'm sorry. I'll get you a pack of new ones. Soon. When I'm feeling normal enough to leave the house on my own."

The room drowns in silence. A few moments pass before Liam stands up from his chair and approaches Zayn. He protectively tangles his fingers with Zayn's trembling ones. Louis clears his throat behind them and scratches his neck awkwardly.

"It's-um, it's fine. I just thought it was Niall, you know I hate when he eats my food. It's okay, you can eat whatever you want, whenever you want, as long as you're, you know-"

"Sober? Not high?" - Zayn suggested.

"-okay. As long as you're okay." - Louis finishes.

"Oh." - The dark-haired boy closes his mouth.

"Besides, we have to go grocery-shopping today, we're running out of food." - Harry adds. "So we can grab Louis' crackers."

"And some gummy-bears for me?" - Zayn asks quietly.

"Tons of gummy-bears for you." - Harry grins. 

"Maybe some beer for me?"

"Niall, shut up."

__

**Harry.**

"Bread."

"Check."

"Milk."

"Check."

"Gummy-Bears for Z."

"Check."

"Eggs. Butter."

"Check. Check."

"Condoms-What?! Ew! _Niall_ !" - Harry whines and almost drops the list of groceries from his hands. Louis is pushing a shopping cart in front of him, examining the aisles full of food while Niall strides behind them, eyes glued at the phone.

"What? I need to get laid. Plus, Angela is coming over tonight, so I need some rubber to-"

"Okay, okay, ew!" - Harry scrunches his face from disgust and shakes his head. 

"Disgusting leprechaun." - Louis calls. 

"Crackers."

"Check."

"Cheetos."

"Check."

"Kartoffel."

"The fuck's kartoffel and the fuck we need it for?" - Niall asks.

"It's a potato." - Harry rolls his eyes. "And we need it for Louis' special treat."

"A chicken stuffed with mozzarella wrapped in parma ham with a side of homemade mash." - Louis explains proudly. He pushes the shopping cart forward with his hip, and waves his hands in front of him while explaining the whole process of preparing the meal. . 

"I'm not eating that." - Niall announces. 

"Well, I am." - Harry nods assuringly at Louis. "Sounds delicious."

"Thanks, Harold. I've never cooked for anyone before. I guess you're the first one."

Harry blushes furiously and looks away from Louis, while Niall rolls his eyes and fakes a gag.

"What's your problem, you plane heterosexal?" - Louis snaps at the Irish lad.

"Nothing. Just know I own't share my condoms with you."

"Niall, shut up, ew!" - Harry screeches again.

__

**Liam.**

"Cold. Too cold." - Zayn whimpers as he curls up on himself and buries deeper into Liam's chest. They are laying on the bed, Liam wrapped around Zayn like a blanket, providing some heat for the boy to warm up. He's been shaking and freezing for the last half an hour and Liam has already draped all the covers over Zayn, but still - _nothing._

"Want me to make you some tea?"

"No!" - Zayn shakes his head violently. "You can't-don't leave. Please, don't leave."

"Hey, no. I'm here, I am not leaving."

Liam's heart break into million pieces, then glues itself only to break even more. Zayn doesn't deserve to go through this. Nobody does, but especially not Zayn, with his kind heart, crinkly eyes and warm smile. Not his Zayn.

"You think he'd be happy to see me like this?" - Zayn asks suddenly.

"What?"

"My father." - The boy adds. "He hated my guts, you think he'd be happy?"

Liam gulps.

"I don't think he hated you, Zayn,-"

"He beat the hell out of me everyday for almost a month, before finally kicking me out and calling me a man-whore, promising to kill me next time he sees me." - Zayn chuckles. "So much for not hating."

"Zayn,-"

"Forget it. Just-My head's kinda cloudy." - Zayn cuts him off. " 'M fine. Just hold me, yeah?"

"Of course." - Liam whispers and buries his nose in Zayn's dark hair. "Always."

Their little bubble explodes when the front door shuts loudly and three pair of feet stomp into Liam's room. They barge into the room without knocking (of course, duh) and drop the bags of groceries on the floor. ( _There go Harry's eggs, breaking one by one._ ) Louis flops down on the bed beside Liam and wraps his arms around the boy's toned body.

"In need of cuddles. Now!" - He announces.

Liam sighs while Zayn giggles and turns around to face the boys. Liam unwraps one hand from Zayn and throws it around Louis' shoulders. Harry lays down on the bed and crawls towards Zayn. He nuzzles his nose into the boy's neck and drapes his long hands over the three of them. 

"Weirdos." - Niall huffs. "Fuckin' creeps. Looks like an orgy. Thanks God you're wearing clothes. Ew. Disgusting. My eyes needs to get baptized-"

"Nialler." 

"Yes, Louis?"

"Get in here."

Niall doesn't hesitate to kick away his shoes and flop down beside Louis, his head laying on the boy's chest. He stares up at the ceiling and sighs.

"Guys?"

"Yes, Niall?"

"I think Uber is way prettier than Zayn's cat. I think Uber is pretty, in general. Not as pretty as Rory, but he's okay. He may be a little long and fat and well, his balls are kinda strange looking, all grey-ish but-"

"Shut up, Niall."


	5. Chapter 5

**Louis.**

Louis nervously runs a hand through his hair, trying to somehow give a shape to his fringe, but fails pathetically. He sighs and shakes his head before stepping away from the mirror in the hallway. His palms are sweaty ( _knees weak, arms are heavy_ ) he bites down on his lips anxiously, fingers playing with a strap of his hoodie. He knows you have to look confident with yourself when you ask someone out on a date, but his miserably low self-esteem doesn't let him feel okay with the skin wrapped around his bones. _Do this jeans make his ass look bigger than it already is? And is that a zit on his forehead? When did it decide to pop up?!_

Whatever.

Louis decides this is the best he's ever going to look. Plus, the boy he is about to ask out has seen him in his pajamas, or with nothing but a towel wrapped around his body, or even in ugly sweatpants. It's fine, it's okay. He's been collecting the courage to ask him out for almost what, two years now? Plus, the boy really enjoyed Louis' cooked meal, that means Louis really has a chance. So, when he hears familiar, slow footsteps coming down from the stairs, he inhales and turns around to face the boy.

He barely manages to stop himself from gasping because _hell,_ Harry is pretty. His long, soft curls are falling down his broad shoulders, his green eyes and pink lips send Louis' head to spin around the world in a second. How is he going to go out on a date with _that?!_

"Hey, Lou." - Harry drags when he reaches the bottom of the stairs and stops in front of Louis. 

He is wearing a silky black button up (of course, never fully buttoned), skin-tight black jeans and boots. He smells nice, amazing even. Louis feels weird.

"Hazza! Hey!" - He exclaims with a high-pitched voice. "Don't you look all preppy? What's an occasion?"

Harry's cheeks get red, he hangs his head low shyly and smiles.

"Well, I, um-it's just, you know-"

"Come on, Haz."

" 'M going out on a date."

Wait a minute.

 _Wait_ a damn minute.

Louis freezes, his blood stops flowing in his veins (or so he thinks) as he gapes at Harry. Seriously? Out of all days, today?! First time in two years, and you decide to go on a date today? When Louis finally managed to force himself to ask you out? He swallows hardly, not even trying to hide his confusion and anger.

"Oh, really?"

"There's this guy from my class. Nick. He's-He's nice. With long lashes and pretty eyes." - Harry shrugs a shoulder. "And I haven't been on a date for what feels like forever,so I thought why not."

Louis huffs and crosses arms on his chest, smirk appearing on his face.

"So that's the reason, huh? 'Cause you haven't been on a date for a while?"

"What? No. No, he's nice." - Harry frowns, knitting his brows together.

"Yeah, right. How pathetic."

"What's wrong with you?" - Harry asks, obviously confused from Louis' attitude.

"Nothing. It just seems pretty pathetic to me that you haven't been asked out for years, so you give it to the first stranger that does."

"He's not a stranger. And that's not why I've agreed-"

"Please, Harold." - Louis lifts his hand up to cut Harry off. "I know you. You're depended on these kind of things. So, if he asks you to have sex with him, will you agree? Only because you haven't had sex in a while?"

Harry's eyes fill up with anger. He stomps forward and suddenly, his hands fly up to Louis' shoulders as he pins him to the wall and glares down at him (down, yeah, Harry's a giant compared to Louis.)

"Watch your little, annoying mouth, will ya?!" - The boy hisses. "What's wrong with you and your attitude?!"

Louis wiggles out form Harry's touch and pushes him on his chest, forcing Harry to take a few steps back.

"Nothing." - He bites. "I'm just pitying you, that's all! You're pathetic."

"Louis." - Harry warns him, but Louis doesn't seem to care.

"You go running after the first guy that asked you out, how stupid is that?! I'm sure you don't even like him! You're just feeling a deficit of attention! Give it a week and you'll be hanging on the neck of some other guy like a typical man-whore!"

The house drowns in silence. Louis is breathing heavily from anger as he stares up at Harry, who's face falls, crumples even. The boy's eyes fill up with unshed tears that he tries to blink away. 

Suddenly, the air feels too heavy because Louis realizes what the actual fuck he just said. Harry, _a man-whore?_ What the fuck is wrong with him? How could he say those horrible words to precious, angelic Harry?

The curly boy shakes his head and turns around, grabs his coat and scarf and storms away from the house without saying anything. Louis slides down the wall and sits on the floor. Embarrassment, guilt, jealousy and fury eat him alive. 

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" - He hears a voice ask from above. He blinks at bleached hair and piercing blue eyes. 

"I don't know." - Louis whispers shamefully.

"You don't?" - Niall asks, with a brow raised. " 'Cause I do."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. You love him. But that doesn't excuse you being a dick to him. He's not pathetic, _you_ are."

Niall stomps away into the living room, not glancing once back at Louis, who continues to sit on the floor. For once, Louis agrees with Niall. He _is_ pathetic.

___

**Harry.**

How dares he?! How dares that tiny, annoying, loud, stupid, silly, pretty, kind, funny, cute.. _Wait,_ that's not where he was going. Harry shakes his head and tries again.

How dares that little, annoying, loud, stupid, silly boy say such horrible things to him? What has Harry ever done to deserve any of it? Why did Louis look so angry and furious? Does he hate Harry? Yeah, he probably hates him. 

"Um, Harry?" - A voice calls him from the side. He turns his head and faces a guy with long lashes and pretty eyes. _Louis has pretty has pretty eyes, that were full of rage today._

"Yeah, Nick?" 

"You okay?"

"Perfect." - Harry fakes a grin. They are sitting in some stupidly expensive restaurant and Harry feels out of the place.

"Wanna leave?" - Nick asks. "My home's pretty close from here."

"Yeah, sure." - Harry agrees. _Why the fuck did he agree?_ He smacks himself mentally. 

Nick pays the check, and leads him out of the restaurant. They step outside and cold, chilly wind breaks into Harry's bones. He buries his nose into his scarf and shivers. 

"My apartment's down this way. One of the greatest places in this city. I bought it a year ago, with my own money. Well, techincally, my father bought it for me, but he says it's mine and the money was mine, so. It's pretty huge, with the perfect view,-"

Nick rambles about his money and house, while Harry still thinks about Louis' outburst. No, he did not deserve it. He had to stay and punch Louis. No, you know what?! That's exactly what he's going to do now.

"Nick." - Harry stops walking. The boy in front of him stops as well and stares at Harry confused.

"Yeah?"

"Thanks for the dinner. And-And a nice evening. I had fun, really. Plus, I'm sure your house is lovely and rich, or whatever. I just-I have to go and deal with something."

"But,-"

"You're an amazing guy. Thank you for asking me out. No one has ever asked me out, you know. I've enjoyed it. But I gotta go." - Harry turns around and walks into different direction, hugging himself as he tried to shield his body from cold.

"Will you call me?" - Nick yells from where he's still glued to the spot.

Harry doesn't answer. 

__

**Liam.**

He wraps his hands even tighter around Zayn, who is sitting beside him. They've been watching _Friends_ for the whole evening, not that any of them complain. Niall is stuffing his face with Cheetos on the floor beside the couch, while Louis sits on the chair in the furthest corner, staring down at his fingers like they are the most important thing ever. Earlier, Liam head him arguing with Harry and then saw Harry storming out of the house. Two of them never really fight, maybe because they are up each-other's asses. 

Zayn nuzzles his nose into Liam's neck and his warm breathe hits his skin. 

"You okay?" - Liam asks quietly. Zayn nods and smiles a little. It's enough for Liam.

His eyes wonder back at the TV. Boring, boring evening. Nothing interesting. 

The entrance door opens and shuts loudly, sending echoes through the house. Heavy footsteps approach the room and after a moment, flustered, heavy-breathing Harry appears in the doorway. His cheeks are red, eyes are narrowed and brows knitted together and he looks like he's been running. He takes out his scarf and drops it to the floor, coat following it. His eyes examine the room, finally stopping on something behind Liam's back. _Louis._

The boy is looking up at Harry with wide eyes and parted lips. Regret is written all over his face and looks like he's collecting his whole will-power to apologize. Harry bolts towards Louis before any of them can do or say anything. Louis jumps up from the chair and meets Harry in the middle of the room. Harry glares down at him, hands fisted by his sides. Louis looks down at the boy's hands. His scared eyes snap up at Harry, because he probably realizes one of those fists is going to end up punching him.

Harry lifts his hands and Louis squeezes his eyes shut, waiting for a punch. None of the other boys can stop Harry, because they are too shocked and confused from the sight. Harry's hand hangs in front of Louis for a moment, the other boy shaking and trembling.

Then something happens.

The something strange happens.

Harry's hand falls and Louis opens his eyes when the punch never comes. He stares up at Harry, who is staring back down at him.

"Don't you dare to call me a man-whore again. Don't you dare to call _anyone_ that." - Harry says with a deep, intimidating voice.

"Never." - Scared Louis whispers.

"Good."

Suddenly, hell knows how, their lips end up glued together. Harry's hands wrap around Louis' tiny body as he sucks on Louis' lips like his life depends on it. A quiet, satisfied whimpers fill up the room.

What the fuck?

"What the fuck?!" - Niall whisper-yells.

"Let's get out of here." - Zayn suggests. He gets up and pulls Liam up with him. "Niall, I said let's get out."

"No, I wanna see where this goes-Ouch!" - Zayn tugs Niall's ear, forcing him to crawl up to his feet and drags him away from the living room, Liam following them.

They leave the pair in the room. 

Not-so-boring evening, actually.


	6. Chapter 6

**Niall.**

He lets out a frustrated sigh and runs a hand through his bleached hair. The wall behind his bed continues to shake slightly, loud banging and brain-piercing moans echoing through the house. Niall glances at the watches on his nightstand. _4 a.m._ He whines annoyed and covers his head with a pillow. 

_Seriously?!_

It's only been a few hours since their first kiss and Louis and Harry are already fucking with the whole force. They leave nothing for imagination, every moan and scream can be heard from every corner. 

"Does this happen every night?" - A quiet voice beside Niall asks. He peeks out from underneath the pillow and looks at the girl near him. Her long, wavy, brown hair is spread all over the sheets, being the only thing that covers her naked body. She is staring up at the ceiling, blinking and flinching with every bang that comes from the next room. _She is definitely very pretty._

"Never, actually." - Niall answers. "It's their first time."

"First twenty times, to be more exact." - She adds.

Niall laughs and throws the pillow covering his head away. He sits up, leaning on his elbows and stares down at Angela. The girl's green eyes, framed with long eyelashes meet his gaze.

"I'm sorry." - Niall shakes his head. "God, this is so stupid. I'm sorry you have to listen to _this._ "

"It's fine. At least your roommate's not in some weird cult that forces her to burn stupid candles every night and pray in Latin. Mine is."

"Yeah, you're right." - The boy laughs again. "Even thought i'm kinda sure Zayn's cat is a satanist in some way.

"We can finish it tomorrow. Or, I don't know, whenever you want." - Angela whispers and blinks up at Niall.

Niall hesitates to answer. He never really goes for the same partner twice. It's his rule, _no strings attached_. But Angela suddenly smiles up at him, shyly, her plump lips stretch out in beautiful, pretty smile and her long fingers run through her rose-scented hair-

"Sure." - Niall blurts. "We can finish it tomorrow."

__

**Liam.**

There's a strange line of people in front of the bathroom in the hallway. Liam knits his brows together and stands in line, behind the girl. He is confused and stunned because _1) why the hell is there a line? b) why the hell is there a girl in this house?_ He stares down at the towel that he is holding, trying to avoid awkward silence. But the girl turns her head to look at him, blinking her big eyes up at Liam.

"Um, hi?" - Liam blurts after a moment of staring.

"Hey." - The girl responds and looks away. Liam gulps and finally remembers that she's not the only one waiting in the line. 

"Niall." - He calls his friend, who's leaning on the wall with his arms crossed on the chest. An annoyed expression changes to a pleasant surprise as his blue eyes meet Liam.

"Payno!" - He exclaims and peels himself off of the wall. "How's life going?!"

"What the hell is going on?" - Liam dares to ask.

"Louis and Harry have been in bathroom for the whole morning." - A quiet voice answers. Liam's heart misses a beat when he spots Zayn, sitting on the floor in front of the door. He is wearing sweatpants and a big hoodie, his own towel hanging from his shoulder.

"These bastards." - Niall curses. "They've kept me- _us_ all night because of their fucking and now they're doing it in the bathroom!" 

"They are loud." - A girl next to Niall adds and Liam suddenly remembers she's still there. "And kinda kinky."

"Um, who are you?" - Liam finally asks.

"Oh, I'm Angela." - The girl reaches her hand. "I'm Niall's failed one night-stand. Failed, because your friends' banging behind the wall kinda turned me off."

"Nice to meet you." - Liam shakes her hand awkwardly. " 'M Liam."

"I know. You're the one that pines after the pretty one."

Liam chokes on his saliva and breaks into coughs. Niall pats his shoulder, while glaring at Angela with angry eyes because _that was a secret._

"Oh. Sorry. Oops." - The girl giggles. 

Liam finally steadies himself and opens his mouth to protest against the accusation when he hears Zayn's quiet laugh. He feels how his cheeks get colored in crimson red, so he hangs his head shyly and looks away.

"How cute." - Louis says from where he's standing behind Liam. Harry is crouched near him, his curls gathered up in a messy bun on top of his head. His toothbrush is stuck behind his ear. He looks ridiculous, especially in those stupid plaid pajamas. 

"Stop being a hypocrite, you've been up Hazza's ass as long as- _Wait a minute!_ " - Niall cuts himself off and stares at Louis. "The fuck you're doing here?!"

"Waiting?" - Harry blinks. "We've just came out form the room and saw the line, so-"

" _You're_ here, too?!" - Niall shrieks at Harry. He turns around, bolts towards the door and kicks the door open.

His towel falls down on the floor as he stares ahead, stunned and confused.

Uber blinks up at Niall, then Liam and walks out of the bathroom proudly, slowly and steadily. He disappears behind the corner quietly.

"You're telling me we've been waiting for an hour because of that ugly dog?!" - Angela asks with an annoyed voice.

"Uber is pretty." - Harry barks. He gets up, angry expression plastered on his face and approaches Angela, pointing a finger at her. "He is graceful and beautiful! And I don't even know _you_ "

"Well, I know you." - Angela answers with no hesitation. "You're the _Curly_ that kept begging for _Daddy's beautiful, massive dick_ to be shoved up his ass last night."

Quiet gasps fill up the hallway. Harry turns red instantly, covering his mouth with hands.

"You're bottom?!" - Zayn blurts, not managing to stop himself.

"Oh, excuse me?!" - Louis snaps. "Have you seen my dick?! It's massi-"

"Shut up, shut up, shut up!" - Liam shrieks and presses palms over his ears. He nears Louis, grabs his shoulder and pushes him into the bathroom, throwing his towel after him. "Wash yourself you filthy prick and just _shut up!_ "

"Payno!" - Niall whines loudly.

"What?!"

"Why did you let _him_ occupy the toilet? We've been waiting for the whole morning!"

"Fuck this toilet. Fuck ya'll. Fuck our ugly dogs. I'm going to wash my face in the kitchen sink." - Liam mumbles. He grabs Zayn's hand, dragging him upwards and pulling him to follow Liam. "Let's go, Zayn."

"Oh, so _that's_ his pretty boy?" - He hears Angela's quiet voice following him. 

___

**Zayn.**

He positions himself on the kitchen counter while Liam finishes washing his face and brushing teeth. He grabs an apple from the vase and starts playing with it with his fingers. His hands hurt. Actually, all of his bones hurt. He wishes he could stand under the hot stream of water for hours, but unfortunately he won't be able, not yet. His muscles feel sore, like he has been working out for two days straight. His head is what hurts the most.

Waves of pain wash over him every second, and he would prefer to smash his head against the wall than to feel this pain. _Sometimes death seems better than this migraine in my head,_ he remembers lyrics from one of Louis' stupid records. 

He knows what would heal him. Just one, tiny, little pop of the magic pill. They are in the small box, under his night stand, waiting for him and calling Zayn. _Take us, take only one. You will feel better. It will stop hurting._

"-Zayn!" - A loud voice snaps him out of his trance.

He blinks the blur away and stares down at the apple in his hands. At least, at what is left from it. His fingernails have dug into the fruit, ripping in to shreds, juice dripping down on the counter. He drops an apple from his trembling hands and looks up at Liam.

The boy is looking down at him with concerned and warm eyes.

"Hey. You're okay." - Liam breathes, barely above the whisper. "It's-It's fine, yeah?"

Zayn's body starts to shake uncontrollably, and before he can do or say anything, warm, strong pair of arms curl around his bony shoulders. His face meets the soft chest, burying deep and inhaling Liam's smell. 

He tries to bury the approached sobs down in his lungs, but fails as one of them escapes his throat quietly. 

"Shh, you're okay." - Liam whispers, running fingers through Zayn's hair. He's positioned himself against the counter, right between Zayn's legs. 

"I'm scared." - Zayn chokes. "I need to-My body begs me to take them. Just one. Maybe I can try to quit again later, I-I need one now-"

"No, no, hey." - Liam pulls away only to look Zayn in the eyes. He cups the boy's face and puts his forehead against Zayn's. "Don't. You can't stop now. You can't go back. You're way stronger than that-"

"I'm not." - Zayn shakes his head as hot tears stream down his face. "I-I thought I was, but I'm not."

"Yes, you are. You are stronger than anything in the world." - Liam says assuringly. "And I'm here. I won't let you got back to _that_. I've seen you struggle enough."

" _Please._ " - Zayn begs. His fingers curl around Liam's wrists, grip too strong not to be painful but Liam doesn't flinch. But Zayn wants him to be hurt. He wants Liam to hate Zayn and let him go back to his nasty habits. 

"No." - Liam kisses his forehead instead. "Let's go out for a walk. Let's-Let's get coffee or something, let's do something. Anything but _that._ "

"I need something to ease this pain in-in my body." - Zayn stutters shakily. 

"A hot bath maybe? I can kick Louis out of the bathroom in a second." - Liam suggests. 

"That won't-"

"No, it's a good idea. Come on-" - Liam rambles his eyes lightening from excitement. _Can't he understand that a bath won't help Zayn? Nothing will._

"Liam." - Zayn says weakly. "Liam, stop."

"They can take a bath after you, it's not a problem-"

"Liam!" 

The kitchen drowns in silence. Liam blinks at Zayn with his wide eyes. Zayn feels the way guilt chokes him because _he's selfish and stupid and helpless._

"It won't help, _Leeyum._ " - He says quietly with his voice trembling. 

Liam sighs at the words. He nods and takes Zayn's hands in his big, warm ones. His warmth sends shivers down Zayn's spine.

"I'm sorry." - Liam says. "I know, I'm sorry."

"No, _I'm_ sorry." - Zayn shakes his head as he stares down at their interlaced fingers. "I'm sorry I'm useless and fucking broken."

"Shut up." 

Zayn looks up at Liam, his scared eyes meeting the boy's big, _safe_ ones.

"You're not useless. You are not broken. You are beautiful and you will be okay, yeah?"

Zayn gulps and notices the way Liam's eyes glance at his Adam's apple. Suddenly, he feels something strange washing over him. Something strong, inexplicable. He feels hot, the previous coldness disappearing from his body completely. He doesn't register his movements or words or anything around him.

"Please, don't leave me." - He lets out a whisper, having no idea where it came from.

"Never." - Liam responds automatically. "Never, baby."

 _Baby._ Zayn leans forward, against Liam's chest and breathes out shakily.

"Okay." - He says. "Okay, yeah. I will be okay. I am okay. You're here."

Zayn closes his eyes and world around him blurs. He feels and senses nothing but Liam. And Liam is _enough._


	7. Chapter 7

**Niall.**

_"Harry, fuck, shit! Damn, you're so good!"_

_"God damn it, Lou! Shit-Oh!"_

Niall barges into the room with wide eyes and face red from fury and anger, because _how dare these filthy bastards fuck each-other in the living room?!_ His eyes fall down on the couch and instantly, his jaw goes slack from the sight. He expected to see naked bodies, interlaced with each-other, some body-parts buried deep in other body-parts, but not _this._

"For fuck's sake, Harry!" - Louis shouts annoyed. "Stop using that combination on me!"

"It's not my fault you chose the weakest hero, Lou." - Harry mumbles.

"Excuse you, Sub Ziro is the best-"

"You're playing Mortal Combat." - Niall states the fact, blinking at his friends. Two pairs of confused eyes snap up at him.

"What else would we be doing?" - Louis raises his brow.

"Fucking?" - A high-pitched voice answers behind Niall. Oh, he almost forgot that Angela is still here.

"What is she still doing here?" - Louis asks sincerely. "Not to be rude, but she kinda overstayed her visit."

"You _are_ being rude, Lou." - Harry whispers.

"Angela is staying because she wants to stay. And I want her to stay, too." - Niall snaps. "So shut your mouth, _Daddy._ "

Harry's gaps fills up the room.

"Did you just-" 

"Tea's ready!" - Liam's shout cuts off Louis. _Thanks God it does._ Harry scribbles himself up from the couch, dragging Louis to follow him into the kitchen. Niall stays in the living room with Angela by his side. The girl nears him and clears her throat to snap him out of his thoughts.

"Niall."

"Yeah, Angela?"

"This morning, when Louis came back from the grocery shop, I've stolen and hidden a pack of chocolate-chip cookies in your room. They are under the bed. Thought you'd be happy."

An overwhelming feeling of something amazing, wild and unbelievable fills Niall's Irish body. He blinks at the girl in front of him, her thick, wavy hair, round eyes and plump lips. He can't explain what is going on inside of his stomach, because _are those butterflies?_ His head starts to spin from the thought and before he can stop himself his mouth starts talking on its own.

"Please, move in with us."

Something drops in the kitchen, a plate probably, judging from the crash that follows. He hears a quiet _"what the fuck"_ and even quieter _"oh my God I won't tolerate another living soul in this house"_ , then "well, we can always kick your ugly cat out" but all he can focus on is Angela's bright smile and quick nod.

__

**Zayn.**

After a tea-drinking-session, that was filled with Louis' whines about Angela probably moving in and Harry's eyerolls, Zayn decides to get back to his room and deal with something important. Something, that hasn't left his mind for days. He shuts the door quietly after he steps in and looks around. 

His room is everything it shouldn't be. There are strange, twisted paintings and posters hanging all around the walls, most of them he got when he was high and out of his mind. He can barely see the original white color of the walls. His clothes are hanging/laying/thrown everywhere, even under the bed. He spots Natasha, resting peacefully on his pillow. There's a full ashtray on the window frame, butts of smoked cigs laying under chair and all over the floor. _God, he is a mess._ Zayn sighs quietly and nears one of his bedside nightstands. He crouches and stares at the upper drawer, hesitating to touch it. 

He lifts his hand and with a soft move, slides the drawer open. It's almost empty, if you don't count a small, white plastic bag in the corner. Zayn feels like it's staring up at him, like a lost child who looks at the mother.

His fingers caress the edges of the plastic bag, instantly sending shivers down his spine. He pulls it out and twists it between his fingers. He feels the tiny tablets shuffling around from the movement. Zayn sits down on the floor and stares down at the bag, that is laying in now the middle of his palm.

He remembers the exact moment when he first tried this shit.

_Zayn was 18. Danny took him to the party that was being thrown on the other side of the town. He knew it was a bad idea, but he still went, probably because staying at home would mean taking another beating-session from his dad. And he had enough of those. So he climbed down the window and followed Danny with ho hesitation._

_Danny disappeared into the crowd the second they've stepped into the house full of neon lights and strange smells. Loud music was blasting on full-force and Zayn's ears had a hard time adapting to it. He tried to look around, search for familiar faces, but then a hand landed on his shoulder. His eyes snapped up only to be met with a twisted, even manic smile and wide eyes._

_"Looking for some fun, little guy?" - A boy whispered. Zayn has never seen him before._

_"Um, my-my friend is somewhere here-"_

_"I am your friend." - The boy cuts him off. "I'm Andy."_

_"I don't think-"_

_"Wanna try something? I promise, it will feel amazing. I can see the struggle and distress on your face. I can make it go away."_

_And how could Zayn resist? How could he say no to a chance to forget every shitty thing in his life? So he agreed. He followed the guy into the bathroom, he popped the strange, blue pills and he got lost in euphoria._

4 years have passed. 4 years covered in blur. 4 years of fights, highest highs and lowest lows, screams, blood, getting kicked out and then, finally, finding home. Finding his boys. Finding his Liam.

Zayn swallows hardly, the small bag still laying on his palm. 

"Zayn?"

He flinches and instantly hides the bag in his fist. He jumps up on his feet and turns around. Liam is looking at him with wide eyes that scream confusion and concern.

"What are you doing?"

"Nothing." - Zayn shakes his head and hides his hand behind the back. "I was just-decided to tidy up a little."

"I was calling you, knocking on your door." - Liam says. "And you never responded, so I got scared and-"

"Yeah, got lost in my thoughts." - Zayn shrugs. "Sorry."

"I-I know what you're hiding there." - Liam says quietly and nods towards Zayn. 

Zayn's facade breaks. He sighs and pulls out a bag full of pills. Liam looks down at it for a moment, then his eyes meet Zayn's again.

"I was going to throw it away." - Zayn admits shakily. "I wasn't going to-you know."

"Yeah. Yeah-okay." - Liam nods. "Do you want me to help you with it?"

"Please." - Zayn breathes. 

Instantly, Liam reaches forward and takes a small bag away from Zayn's fingers. He stomps out of the room for a moment, disappears into the hallway and after a minute gets back as the sound of toilet being flushed down fills up the house. 

"It's gone." - He tells Zayn.

"Gone." - The smaller boy repeats. He inhales deeply and closes his eyes. _Gone._

"Zayn." - Warm hands lock around him. "Zayn, you're okay. You don't need it anymore."

"I don't need it." - He repeats again. He feels a soft kiss being planted in his hair, near the temple. "But I _do_ need it."

"No." - Liam's voice crawls into his mind, soft and gentle. "No, you don't."

"I need _you._ " - Zayn realizes. 

"And I'm here. Always here."

Zayn turns around and hides his face in the crook of Liam's neck as the boy holds him closer to his warm body.

"Liam." - Zayn says after a moment of silence, his voice muffled with the fabric of Liam's sweatshirt.

"Yeah, babe?"

"If Angela moves in, she's not getting Natasha's spot of the most annoying female in your heart."

Liam chuckles, his shoulders trembling from soft giggles.

"No one's getting that spot, babe. Ever."

"And no one's getting my spot of your favorite person, right?" - Zayn asks, with his voice trembling. _Damn his stupid, emotional ass,_ he thinks.

"No one." - Liam responds, voice serious and stern this time. His hands cup Zayn's face and his eyes lock with the smaller boy's glossy ones. "No one, angel."

And yeah. _Yeah,_ Zayn doesn't need anything else, other than Liam. Not anymore.


	8. Chapter 8

**Liam.**

Liam knocks on the door of Zayn's bedroom softly. He doesn't want to wake the boy up, in case he is still asleep. It may be 5 p.m., but Zayn's sleep schedule is all messed up and twisted, especially these days and Liam tries to adapt to it and not barge into the boy's room when he sleeps. He waits for a couple of minutes, but gets no response. Liam's hand touches the doorknob and he turns it slowly, carefully not to cause any sound. He peeks into the room and then opens the door wide as he notices that Zayn's bed is empty. 

He steps in and looks around, looking for the boy. Nothing. Liam's brows furrow as he goes back to the hallway. He decides to go downstairs and check the other rooms. At the end, Liam spends at least half an hour looking for Zayn in every room, every corner, but finds nothing. He is on his third round of searching, breathing heavily and running around when Louis finally snaps. He looks up from where he's sitting on the couch in the living room.

"You're giving me a headache! The fuck you're running for?!" - He whines.

"Where's Zayn?!" - Liam asks, with his eyes wide.

"Hell knows." - Louis shrugs and goes back to watching TV. 

"Shit." - Liam fishes out his phone from the pocket and dials Zayn number with shaking fingers. Anxiety eats him alive, because _fuck knows_ what happened and where Zayn is. 

He waits and waits and waits, but the boy doesn't pick up. Liam cusses and hangs up, throwing the phone to the couch from nerves.

"Hey, aim for the head next time, yeah?!" - Louis shouts annoyed.

"Shut the fuck up, Louis." - Liam snaps back. He runs a hand through his hair and sighs. _This can't be happening. He promised Zayn to keep an eye after him and he failed._

"Calm down, will ya? The boy's not ten, he can take care of himself." - Louis huffs.

"No, he fucking can't!" - Liam shouts, his tone causes Louis to flinch and finally, _finally_ shut up. "He-He's going through shit times, Louis, so no - I can't calm down!"

Louis blinks up at him and opens his mouth to say something that would probably make Liam even more mad, but Niall barges into the room and cuts him off.

"Guys!" - He calls the boys.

"You okay, Nialler?" - Louis rises from the couch and starts to approach his friend.

"There's-In the backyard. There are two weird, huge guys and they're-I didn't know what to do I went out to feed Rory and-"

"Niall, what's going on?" - Liam asks anxiously.

"I think Zayn's in trouble." - Niall breathes.

Liam doesn't hear what Niall says next, he ignores Louis' calls as he bolts towards the backyard door in a speed of light. He runs out and looks around, spotting strange silhouettes near the bricked wall of their building. He hears Niall and Louis following him and stopping in their tracks behind Liam. Harry appears out of nowhere, holding a bottle water and wearing sweats, probably returning form his mid-day run.

"What's wrong?" - Harry rasps staring at Liam.

But Liam can't answer him. He can't say anything at all, actually. 

There are two men, both of them at least 6 feet tall in a few meters from him. One of them is standing with his arms crossed on the chest, while the second is leaning forward and talking about something Liam can't understand. And then red blur covers his eyes because _Zayn is there,too._ He is standing near the wall, in front of the men and staring up at them. His arms are curled around himself, as if he is trying to shield himself from the strangers. Liam takes a step forward, but Harry manages to grab his forearm and stop him. 

"Liam, don't!" - Niall cries and that seems to gain the men's attention. Their heads snap to the side, eyes fill up with even stronger fury and anger.

"What do we have here?" - One of them hisses, manic smile appearing on his face.

"Zayn, what's going on?" - Liam ignores the man, his eyes connecting with Zayn's wide ones. The boy gulps and opens his mouth to say something, but one of the men, the bigger one, pins him into the wall.

"Don't fucking touch him!" - Louis snaps from behind Liam.

"Our little Malik here disappeared from radars, which caused a lot of problems and unwanted worries." - The smaller man explains with a cold voice, his gaze meeting Liam. Harry is still holding the boy, squeezing his hand to stop him from charging forward and laying a few punches. Liam tries to pull away, but Harry's grip hardens.

"Don't." - Harry whispers to Liam. He looks at the man then and says with a louder tone: "We don't want any trouble. Just let Zayn go and leave our territory."

"You're very smart, aren't you, Curly?" - The man snarls and lets out a sarcastic laugh.

"Watch it, dickhead." - Louis warns.

"Anyways." - The man turns around on his heel and approaches Zayn, who is staring up with his eyes wide and full of fear. "You can't just disappear like that, without warning, Malik. Big, _big_ people are depending on out stash, on our dealers and even a tiny misunderstanding can cause a lot of trouble. You could have gone to police and sold us out, who knows?"

"I wouldn't." - Zayn shakes his head and says with a trembling voice. "Dave, I wouldn't-"

"I don't know what you would or wouldn't have done, Malik." - The man cuts him off. He nods towards the bigger man and instantly, the latter lets Zayn go. The boy stumbles forward but steadies himself. Dave's hands land on both his shoulder and his cold smile flashes down at Zayn. "We're keeping an eye on you. You know that right?"

"Yes." - Zayn jerks a nod. "Yes, just-please, leave. And don't hurt them." 

The man huffs and shakes his head. 

"We won't touch anyone but _you_ , darling. Ricardo can break your vertebras in a snap of his fingers, am I right Ricardo?"

The bigger man nods and grunts, eyes burning holes on Zayn's slim body.

"You're being watched, Malik. One wrong step - and you're a dead man." - Dave warns Zayn. 

"Now get out of this property." - Harry says with a serious voice.

"Before we've let our hounds out." - Louis adds, nodding towards Rory, who's sleeping near the entrance door. Niall mouths _hounds?_ with a confused expression, but no one comments on it. 

Dave shoots one last glare at Liam, before turning around and disappearing from the backyard, Ricardo following him like a puppy on the leash. After a moment, Liam hears a sound of the car engine starting and he realizes they've driven away. His eyes wonder back at Zayn, who is now crouched beside the bricked wall, face hiding in his hands. He appears by the boy's side in a second and kneels in front of him.

"Zayn?" - He calls quietly.

"Sorry." - Zayn whispers. "I don't know how they found where I live, I'm sorry."

"It's okay." - Liam shakes his head. He wraps a protective arm around Zayn's shoulders. "They're gone, we're okay."

"I'm such a mess." - Zayn mumbles. "I brought this on you. On all of you."

"Hey, we're fine!" - Louis exclaims. "No one can touch any of us. And let me say this - Hazza, you're hot as fuck when you're being serious and threatening."

Harry's cheeks cover in blush as he hangs his had low, the previous anger disappearing completely from his facade. Niall grins at them and nods because _hell yes,_ Harry can be scary from time to time.

Liam helps Zayn up and leads him towards the entrance, hand still secured around the boy's waist.

"That Ricardo guy was massive." - Niall comments as they shuffle back into the house. "He could rip me apart by his gaze only."

"Excuse you, 85 kilos of Harry Styles wave hello." - Louis scoffs. "Hazza would knock him out in a second, am I right, love?"

"Beating people is wrong." - Harry mumbles. "But if he hurt Zayn, or any of you, then yeah - I would rip him apart."

"There we go. Hey, where's the female that decided to live with us?"

"Oh, Angela's at her job. She works in bakery."

"Hey! I used to work in a bakery-"

Liam feels the way Zayn's hand interlaces with his own and he turns his head only to be met with Zayn;s soft eyes and a small smile.

"What?" - Liam asks, surprised from Zayn's expression.

"Nothing." - Zayn shakes his head. "I'm just glad I've got you. Back there, the second I saw you - I knew I'd be okay. Even if those guys beat the hell out of me, I'd be fine."

"I wouldn't let anyone hurt you, Zayn." - Liam says with all the seriousness. 

"I know. That's the point." - The smaller boy nods. "That's the whole point."


	9. Chapter 9

**Liam.**

It happens on a gloomy Monday afternoon. He can't say it shocked him, because somewhere deep, a tiny little spot of fear of _this_ happening never left corners of his mind. 

It rained that morning. The sky was colored in deep, grey shade with notes of white. Liam came home early from his classes, deciding to skip the last lecture. He stepped into the house, dropped the bag from his shoulders onto the floor and kicked off his boots. Niall's loud snoring was echoing through the hallway, indicating that boy was home, probably missing his classes as well. He passed the kitchen and spotted Angela near the stove, cooking something and humming some weird melody under her breath. She noticed Liam and waved at him, at which the boy responded with a smile and a nod. Liam shrugged off his jacket and slowly made his way upstairs, towards his room. He noticed Zayn's old, almost broken to pieces phone on the couch, which meant that raven-haired boy was home,too. 

Liam reached his room and automatically fell down on his bed with a loud sigh. The cold weather almost froze his feet off, so after a few moments of fighting his laziness, he unglues himself off of the bed and grabs a towel from his chair, deciding to take a hot, steamy shower. He knows that moment Harry and Louis step into the house - the bathroom will get occupied for at least two hours. He thinks about knocking at Zayn's door, checking up on him, but decides against it. He may come off as creepy and he doesn't want that. Instead, he goes straight towards the bathroom.

He turns the doorknob, but the door stays still. Liam's brows knit together as he tries once again, but still fails. He knocks on the door after that.

"Um, Zayn? You there?"

Nothing.

Liam gets no response. He stares at the bathroom door confused for a second, then turns around and walks towards Zayn's room. The door is open and he peeks inside only to notice that it is empty. So Zayn _is_ in the bathroom. 

He gets back and tries knocking again. Liam listens carefully, but no sound escapes the bathroom, water is definitely not running.

"Zayn?!"

He is met with silence once again.

That is when anxiety fills up his chest, like some kind of fog. It crawls upwards, slowly consuming every inch of his fibers and organs and finally reaches his brain. Liam pushes the doorknob roughly once again, twisting it into different directions. But the door is locked. His fist lift up and bang at the door loudly.

"Zayn, open the door!" - He shouts. He continues banging, hitting the door louder and harder.

The noise seems to wake Niall up, because Liam can hear slow footsteps coming from the stairs and sleepy-faced Niall appears behind him after a moment.

"Why are you yelling, Payno?" - The boy rasps with a deep voice.

"Zayn's there-the door's locked. I've been calling him." - Liam shakes his head anxiously and bangs at the door again. Confusion wears off of Niall's face, getting replaced with worry and concern.

"How long's he been there?!" - He asks.

"I don't know, Niall. _Zayn!_ "

"Zayn, come on, mate!" - Niall yells as well.

"We gotta break the door." - Liam realizes suddenly. Niall's wide eyes snap up at him but before he can say or do anything, Liam hits the door with his shoulder roughly. Again, again and again. Niall helps him as well, hitting the door with his whole force.

Finally, the door opens with a loud crack and they barge into the bathroom, Liam stumbling and almost falling down on his face. They steady themselves and examine the bathroom.

Niall covers his mouth with his palm to stop himself from gasping and cursing. Liam stays frozen to the spot, feeling the way numbness and coldness takes over his body. Zayn is laying on the floor, his back leaning on the bathtub. His eyes are closed, head lolled to the side. He is pale, his dark curls fallen down, half covering his ghostly white face. 

"Boys, what's the noise- Oh my God! " - High-pitched voice breaks the silence. Niall turns around on his heels and pushes Angela out of the bathroom.

"Baby, go get the phone-No, don't look! We have to call an ambulance!" - He yells and runs down the stairs, dragging Angela after him.

Liam finally manages to force himself to move. He bolts towards Zayn and falls down on his knees. His shaking hands cup Zayn's hollowed cheeks and he lifts the boy's head slightly. His hands run up and down the boy's hair and neck, checking for injuries and blood, but he finds nothing.

"Zayn, hey, can you hear me?!" - He chokes, slapping Zayn's cheek gently, but he doesn't get any response. "Shit, _fuck!_ "

He can hear Niall's loud voice dictating their address on the phone downstairs.

"Come on, babe, open your pretty eyes." - Liam sobs, running a hand through Zayn's messy hair, pushing it away from his face. Liam's trembling fingers check the boy's pulse and he sighs with a relief when he feels it under his touch. 

"Please, _please_ , stay with me. Don't you dare to leave me." - He chokes then as his tears fall down on Zayn's thin t-shirt. 

"They'll be here in 15 minutes." - Niall runs back to the bathroom. He crouches beside Liam with a panicked look on his face. "What-Is he okay? _Liam,_ he's alive, right?!"

"We can't wait." - Liam realizes after forcing himself to calm down and collect his thoughts. He pushes off the floor and slides one hand under Zayn's thin waist, the other one under his legs and picks the boy up. He feels weightless in his hold and Liam hates that. He hates himself for letting this happen. He runs downstairs, carrying Zayn bridal style and somehow manages to open the door before bolting towards his car. He hears Angela's calls behind him, but ignores them. He opens the passenger door and gently sits Zayn down before shutting the door and getting to the driver's seat.

"You're okay, I've got you, I'm here." - He mumbles as he tries to push keys with his trembling hands. "You're gonna be okay, baby. Just hang in there, yeah?"

He hears Niall telling Angela to wait home for Louis and Harry. The blonde boy sits down in car as well, crawling into the backseat. Liam starts the engine, pressing the gas pedal with the full force. The tires screech loudly before the car finally unglues itself from the pavement.

__

 

"Severe dehydration followed by the low blood sugar. We've noted the critically low blood pressure, but managed to stabilize Mr. Malik. It may be caused by the long starvation or malnutrition. Does Mr. Malik have a history of any kind of eating disorders?"

"No, not that we know of." - Niall shakes his head while the young doctor, probably in his thirties, scribbles something down on the paper.

"Is Mr. Malik allergic to any kind of medicaments?" 

"Um, no." - Niall replies.

"Any addictions?"

Niall gulps and blinks at Liam, who is sitting on the cold, metallic chair. Liam is staring ahead, all the energy and force left is body the moment he placed Zayn on the stretchers. He crushed down on the chair and haven't moved since. His eyes meet Niall's blue, scared ones for a moment before he jerks a nod at him.

"I don't know." - Niall chokes and looks back at the doctor. "I don't know what pills he takes-used to take. He said he's off of them. I-I don't know."

"Okay." - The doctor nods and pushes his glasses up his nose before looking down at Niall. "We'll deal with that later. Your friend is still going under some check-ups, you will be able to visit him soon."

"Thank you." - Niall nods and walks towards Liam. He sits down beside the boy and runs a hand through his hair anxiously. Liam blinks down at the floor and suddenly, the whole weight of the situation falls down on him at once. Finding Zayn half-dead, carrying him in his arms, driving to the hospital like crazy and thinking that the boy is dead for a solid minute at least. 

His body starts shaking uncontrollably, but before he breaks down or starts sobbing wetly, Niall wraps an arm around his shoulders protectively.

"He's gonna be okay, Payno." - The boy assures him. "Probably forgot to eat, you know how he is. He will be alright."

"I though he was dead." - Liam breathes shakily. "I-I thought I lost him. He looked so pale and so small and- _fuck_ Niall, I though he was dead."

"Yeah, me too." - Niall admits quietly. "But he's okay, you heard the doctor. He's gonna be fine."

Liam sniffs and nods at that. He glances down at his feet and suddenly realizes that he's not wearing any shoes. His once white socks have turned grey now, from running down the street and dirty pavement. He hears Niall's low chuckle, which means that he noticed it, too.

Fast footsteps fill up the hallway and after a moment, wide-eyed and crazy-haired Louis appears in front of them. He is wearing something big and furry, that looks like Harry's coat and he flashes his blood-shot eyes at Niall first, then at Liam.

"Where is he?! Is he okay?! Tell me he's okay!" - The boy pleads with a shaky voice. 

"He's gonna be fine." - Niall assures the boy. "Doctors've got him."

"What happened?" - Harry's low voice asks from where he is now standing beside Louis. Angela follows them in as well. She sits down beside Niall and instantly interlaces her fingers with Niall's trembling ones. The blonde boy visibly calms down and gives her a small smile.

"The doctor said he had a low blood pressure, and something about dehydration." - He tells Harry. "Asked about addictions and fucking eating disorders."

"You think he's starving himself? Like, purposely?!" - Harry gasps. 

Niall shrugs, without giving the boy any kind of answer. 

"Hello- _wow, there'a lot of you._ Um, your friend's conscious. You can visit him, but please, not all at once." - The doctor appears behind Harry. 

"You go." - Niall nods at Liam. "We'll wait here."

"Yeah." - Harry nods. "Yeah, _you_ should go, Liam."

___

 

**Zayn.**

Why are the hospital beds so damn uncomfortable? Shouldn't they be the comfiest place in the world, so that patients can rest and sleep? 

A piercing pain shoots through his head, but Zayn chooses to ignore it. Instead, he concentrates on the wires that go in and out of his pale body. Strange fluids enter his body through the tubes and he feels kind of anxious. But then again, how can a drug-addict be afraid of strange substances in his body? _Ironic._ He leans his head backwards and closes his eyes. 

The last thing he remembers is entering a bathroom to take a quick shower. But then - the world started to blur around the edges, funny, small dots appeared in front of his vision and that's it. He doesn't remember anything else. He doesn't know how or why he appeared in the hospital.

The door to his ward opens and shuts quietly and Zayn disconnects his lashes to probably meet his doctor. But his breath gets caught in his throat when he sees distressed Liam with blood-shot eyes and- _is he not wearing shoes?!_

Liam approaches the bed slowly and clears his throat. Zayn blinks up at him, guilt eating him alive because he realizes _he_ is the reason of Liam looking like mess right now. _But God, he is still so beautiful._

"I'm sorry." - he whispers, even though he has no idea why. He just feels the need to apologize for being a mess and scaring Liam. 

Liam's facade breaks at that. His face crumples, eyes filling up with unshed tears. His hand reaches and touches Zayn's hollowed cheek gently.

"Idiot." - Liam says, voice barely above the whisper. But there is no anger in his tone, no annoyance. "Jesus, Zayn, you've scared me so much."

"I'm sorry." - Zayn repeats dumbly.

"I couldn't wake you up." - Liam continues and Zayn lets him. He knows Liam needs it. "I've called you, shook you, but you were so gone, Zayn. I thought I lost you."

"I'm-"

"Don't say that you're sorry." - Liam cuts him off. He kneels in front of the bed suddenly and brings Zayn's fingers up to his lips, placing a small kiss on top of them. "Don't you dare to scare me like that ever again. You need to look after you, you need to start eating properly and-and sleeping,too."

Liam's fingers trace the edge of Zayn's jawline softly and Zayn melts under the touch.

"You're wasting away, babe. And I can't lose you. I need you, okay?" - Liam whispers. 

"Okay." - Zayn nods. "Yeah, I promise. I'm gonna be fine."

Liam smiles softly, then leans forward and places a kiss on Zayn's chapped lips. His fingers runs through the dark hair on the back of Zayn's head, pulling the boy closer to him. He kisses, as if he tries to give Zayn all the energy, all the health that he has. He kisses Zayn like that kiss can help Zayn to get better. _And maybe it does._

Zayn kisses him back with all the passion that he feels in his weak body. He whimpers softly when Liam's tongue pushes itself into his mouth. He wants to get lost in this moment, in this feeling of something overwhelming and head-spinning. So he meets Liam's tongue with his own and traces it desperately, trying to get everything Liam offers him.

Liam pulls away then and gives Zayn a second to catch his breath. His warm, brown eyes flash at Zayn with concern and something else. Something that Zayn doesn't dare to name.

Someone clears their throat behind Liam's back. Zayn's eyes snap upwards and his face breaks in grin automatically.

" _That_ was hot." - Louis admits, pointing his finger at them. "But it still doesn't excuse you for worrying us. Me and Harry were on a _date_ when Angela called us, crying hysterically about finding your unconscious ass in a bloody bathroom."

"Sorry." - Zayn whispers.

"Don't apologize. We're glad you're okay." - Harry tells him as he sits down on the edge of the hospital bed.

"Yeah, gave us a proper scare there, mate." - Niall adds. 

"We're gonna feed you from now on." - Angela chimes in. "My cooking skills are great, so I will make sure you eat every meal that I prepare. Got it, Malik?"

"Got it, mom." - Zayn agrees with an eye roll and a sincere smile. And maybe the word _mom_ stings a little on his tongue, but he prefers not to mention it.

"And you owe Liam a pair of socks." - Niall nods towards Liam. "Poor lad run bare-feet. Carried you in his arms like a right princess from the fairytale, by the way."

"Okay, okay, it's enough." - Liam hushes his friends, while Zayn's cheeks grow red and he hangs his head low, trying to hide a tiny smile.

"I'm gonna go deal with papers. Zayn, they need you to stay here for an hour or so, to give you proper medication and drips. And then we're good to go home." - Angela says and exits a room. 

"I'm so glad I found her. She's like a mother we all needed this whole time. And I get to fuck her, it's like an additional bonus." - Niall sighs dreamily

"Shut up, Niall, for Christ's sake, just once!" - Louis whines and slaps his blonde friend's neck.


	10. Chapter 10

**Zayn.**

A bowl of soup (that smells insanely strange) is placed on the wooden table in front of him. Zayn blinks down at the food and lets out a quiet sigh. He hates soups. He hates soft, nearly dissolved vegetables that float around in boiled water. The only soup he used to enjoy was the one his mother made for him every time he got sick during the school years. 

"Stop sighing and start eating." - A voice above him orders. Zayn looks up with big eyes. Angela is standing beside him with her arms crossed on the chest. "I said start eating, your puppy eyes won't work on me."

"I hate soups." - Zayn mumbled as his eyes landed on the bowl again. The soup is green. _Ew._ He's been out of hospital for three days now and every single one of his roommates treat him like he's made of glass. But he doesn't dare to complain, knowing he'll earn a slap from Louis Tomlinson as a response. 

He hears Angela's sigh and after a moment, the girl flops down on a chair in front of Zayn and looks right into his eyes.

"What's wrong with it?" - She asks calmly.

"Nothing. I just-I don't like soups." - Zayn shrugs. "I mean I do like one specifically, but I doubt you know how to cook it, so.."

"Should I be offended?" - Angela raises her eyebrow.

"Oh, no. Sorry, it's just-um. My mom used to make this amazing soup when I was a kid. It was-It had potatoes, and carrots and even broccoli, it was perfectly salted and- _Sorry._ \- Zayn cuts himself off with a shake of head. "I'm being annoying. You cooked this for me and I'm complaining. Thank you, really, you didn't have to-"

"Shut up, please." - Angela says with a soft voice and cuts Zayn's mumbling off. She places her hand gently on top of Zayn's and flashes him a warm smile. "If you remember the ingredients, we can try to prepare that soup, you know?"

Zayn's face lit up immediately. He blinks at Angela with wide eyes and then nods frantically, excitement flowing through his veins.

"Okay then." - Angela gets up from the chair and approaches the fridge. She opens it and crouches, examining the shelves. "What do we need?"

"Um, potatoes, carrots, broccoli, some-some onions, a little bit of garlic, salt, black pepper and noodles."

"Noodles?" - Angela asks confused.

"Yeah. A special ingredient, I guess." - Zayn shrugs. "We can-it's okay if you don't want to-"

"Noodles it is, then." - The girl announces and grabs the vegetables from the upper shelf.

__

**Angela.**

"Try it and don't hesitate to tell me if it sucks." - The girl places a bowl of the freshly-made soup for Zayn and sits down near him. The boy grabs the spoon and tries the food, never breaking and eye-contact with Angela.

The girl wiggles in her seat, worried if Zayn likes her cooking, because the boy stays quiet for a moment. 

"So?" - She blurts after minutes of silence. "How is it? Does it need more salt? Pepper? I can bring it-"

Zayn grabs her hand before she can get up. His grateful, big, doe-eyes stare up at her with such warmth that the girl has never seen before. He blinks several times and only then she notices tears gathered in his honey-colored eyes.

"Oh my God, no, no-why are you crying? Shit, I'm so sorry, I-"

"It's exactly the same." - Zayn breathes, shutting her up. "It's-It's the same taste. It's me mom's soup."

Angela stays frozen on her seat and gapes at raven-haired boy. Zayn sniffs quietly and wipes his face with a sleeve of his ( _Liam's_ ) hoodie. He looks at her again, his glassy eyes that radiate gratitude.

"Thank you, Angela." - He whispers. 

"You-Don't thank me." - The girl finally snaps out of her trance and shakes her head. "Just eat it, yeah? You need some food in your system, like the doctors said."

Zayn doesn't hesitate to obey. He starts eating the food, obviously enjoying every bit of it.

"You can tell your mom she's got a rival in cooking." - She jokes, smiling widely at Zayn.

The boy freezes, his grip on the spoon growing so strong his knuckles turn white. Angela regrets saying those words immediately, her face goes red from embarassement and guilt. Zayn stares down at the bowl without blinking, breath caught in his lungs.

"I'm sorry." - Angela manages to whisper. "I'm so stupid, I'm sorry."

"It's okay." - Zayn shakes his head, eyes finally leaving the bowl and now staring at the girl. "Don't worry, it's fine."

"I shouldn't have-"

"It's fine, Angela. Really." - Zayn tells her softly. "We just-I haven't seen or talked to her for more than two years now. I'm actually sure she kinda hates me. "

"It's impossible to hate you." - Angela blurts without thinking. "You're a literal angel."

Zayn chuckles at this and shakes his head.

"I doubt that. My parents kicked me out because I wasn't what they wanted me to be. I wasn't a good son. I wasn't a _right_ one. I'm never the _right_ one."

"Hey." - Angela leans forward, eyes meeting Zayn's sad ones. "Don't you dare to say that. You are the right one. You are everything you need to be, and even more. I mean-Have you seen the way Liam looks at you? Have you heard the words he says about you?"

"Liam's too kind." - Zayn whispers. "He worries about me and he-he's just too kind."

"Bullshit." - Angela snaps. "Liam won't hesitate to break Louis' vertebras if he pisses him off. He knocked out a postman last week. Liam's not too kind. He's just too in love-"

"No, don't." - Zayn squeezes his eyes shut. "Don't say it."

Angela sighs and nods slowly.

"Okay. Yeah. But don't you dare to say such things about yourself. I won't let you. No one in this house will let you."

Zayn mumbles a quiet "okay" and lets the girl ruffle his hair with her small hand.

"You're too fragile for this world, Bambi." - She whispers. "That's why you needed something to take control over you."

"Yeah." - The boy nods, knowing exactly what she implies at. "But I'm done with them. I'm clean. Completely sober."

"I know." - Angela smiles. "I've may not known you for too long, but I'm proud of you, Zayn."

Zayn opens his mouth to say something when heavy footsteps approach the kitchen from the hallway and after a moment, a familiar silhouette walks in. Warmth washes over Zayn's body instantly. Liam places a bag on the chair and leans down to land a kiss on top of Zayn's head.

"Hey." - He says then. "How are you?"

"I'm okay." - Zayn smiles. "Angela made my mom's soup."

Liam's mouth opens wide, his breath hitches as he looks up at Angela. The girl smiles and shrugs.

"He needs to eat, so, yeah."

"Thank you." - Liam breathes, wide eyes still staring at her. 

"It's really good, you should try it." - Zayn suggests. "And you should hurry before Niall comes home."

"Bambi's right." - Angela laughs. "We know how much food Niall Horan's stomach needs to get full. So hurry up."

She walks towards the stove, grabbing a bowl from the cupboard above it. She hears Liam's quiet voice whispering behind her.

_"Bambi?"_

"Duh." - She rolls her eyes and turns around to face the boy. "Tell me he doesn't look like a proper deer with those huge eyes and Disney eyelashes."

Liam gulps and turns red in a blink of an eye.

"He-He does." - He mumbles shyly. 

"So he's a Bambi." - Angela announces with a shrug.

"Yeah." - Liam nods and looks at Zayn, who's already smiling up at him. "Well, thanks for feeding _my Bambi,_ Ang."


	11. Chapter 11

**Louis.**

If he could get a medal for the amount of times he rolls his eyes in a day, he'd sell them and buy a new house to finally move the fuck out from this shithole. A loud banging on the door startles Louis, sending him flying down to the ground form the couch, where he's been sleeping peacefully. He curses quietly and scrambles up on his feet, kicking blanket off in the process. He strides towards the door, wearing only one slipper and a pair of boxers, nothing else. He doesn't even ask who's there, he simply turns the keys and opens the door lazily. And yeah, he regrets that instantly.

His eyes grow wide and he tries to shut the door, but strong fingers wrap around the edge of the wooden door and stop him. Louis gulps and takes a step back, which helps an uninvited guest to open the door even more widely.

"What do you want?!" - Louis squeeks. 

"Malik." - A low vice answers. Louis shakes his head and tries to close the door once again, but fails, because obviously this six-foot man is way stronger than poor, small, tiny Louis. _(Excuse you I'm 5'9!)_

"He's not home. He doesn't live here anymore. He-We've kicked him out." - Louis rambles. "You need to leave!"

"Lou, what's goin' on?" - A confused voice asks behind his back. Louis turns around on his heel only to be met with Liam's shocked gaze. _"What the-?!_

"I need Malik. Now." - The man growls and steps into the house without any warning. Louis shrieks and stumbles back, away from the huge man.

"You're Ricardo, right?" - Liam remembers the man's name. "You were here a few weeks ago."

"He wants Zayn." - Louis breathes.

"Well, he's not getting him." - Liam crosses arms on his chest and stands in front of the man, who looks down at Liam with a funny look on his face.

"Are _you_ gonna stop me, little boy?" - He chuckles lowly and shakes his head.

"You know there's six of us in this house, right?" - Louis asks from where he's standing behind Liam. 

"Look, kid,-" - The man bents a little to reach Louis' height. "I'm not playing any games. I need money that your friend owes my boss. Either I get the money, or I break his vertebras. Simple as that."

Before Louis can answer, he hears footsteps approaching him from behind and with a corner of his eye he spots a familiar silhouette that stands beside him.

"Finally." - The man smiles and straightens. "Good afternoon, _Raven._ "

"Get the hell out of here, Ricardo." - Zayn hisses. He is not much bigger or taller than Louis, but he speaks way more braver than the blue-eyed boy. His hands are fisted from anger, knuckles turning ghostly white from the pressure.

"You owe us money, Raven. You know what will happen if we don't get what belongs to us." - The man says. "If you don't send the money tomorrow, I'll come back and collect it myself. Probably will have to sell some of your organs in process."

The man throws one last glance at the boys in front of him, then smirks and turns around, leaving the house without any more words said. When the door shuts behind his back, Louis lets out a sigh of relief and leans on the wall near him.

"Now _that_ was some straight-out-of blockbuster shit." - He mumbles. His eyes wonder to his friend, who is staring down at the floor, obviously lost in his thoughts. "How much do you owe them, Zayn?"

"Too much." - The boy whispers. He squeezes his eyes shut and sighs. "I'm sorry for the trouble I've caused. I'll deal with it, I promise."

"We will deal with it." - Liam says sternly. He approaches Zayn and cups his face with his hands, forcing the boy to finally look up at him. "We will think of something, yeah?"

Zayn nods slowly and leans in Liam's touch.

"Oh, and cool agent-name, by the way. _Raven._ " - Louis adds. "I wonder what mine would be if I was in the gang."

"Probably princess." - Liam chuckles. "Or better. _Tinkerbell._ "

Louis doesn't hesitate to throw the only slipper he is wearing right at Liam's face.

____

 

**Zayn.**

He wonders into the kitchen, trying to avoid all of his roommates on his way. It's been a few hours since Ricardo payed his house a visit and Zayn is sure everyone already knows about it. But, the thing is, he hasn't seen or talked to any of his friends in last couple of hours. Seems like everyone disappeared suddenly, leaving Zayn alone with his thoughts and troubles. But Zayn is sure that's what he deserves, because these are _his_ problems, no one else's. 

He sits down on the ragged couch near the dining table and sighs, hands running through his hair. Ten thousand dollars. Where the hell is he supposed to find that much money in such a little amount of time? 

He knows it's his fault. Everything is his fault. He worked with the drug-dealers for too many years not to learn his lesson. _You pay for your mistakes._ Zayn owes a drug-mafia a lot of money, because of the deal he couldn't get in time. He made some very serious people angry and his bosses lost money because of him. Money he has to pay now.

Zayn curses and buries his face in his hands. Feels like one problem always follows the other in his life. Why did he end up being a complete fuck-up? When did his life become such a mess?

Someone clears their throat loudly.

Zayn moves his hands and stares at the person in front of him. Or _people._

"Guys?" - He rasps, looking at his friends who are standing in the middle of the kitchen. Louis is standing right on front of the gang, with his hands clasped behind his back. He rocks on his heels and smiles at Zayn.

"Hey, Zaynie." - He grins at raven-haired boy. "We've got to tell you something."

"Show you, actually." - Harry adds.

"No, we have to _give_ you something." - Niall corrects both of them. He pushes Louis forward and the boy stumbles a few steps before steading himself. He nears Zayn and hands him a crumpled envelope, smiling proudly like a small child. 

Zayn reaches for the piece of paper with a confused look and stares down at it. He slowly traces the edges with shaky fingers.

"Come on, open it." - Liam encourages him. Zayn looks up at them once again. 

His friends are all staring down at him with hopeful looks in their gazes. Zayn feels awkward because five pairs of eyes are swirling holes on him, so he opens the envelope slowly.

His mouth hangs open, breath hitches and brain freezes for a moment. He feels hot and cold at the same time, head starts to spin like crazy. 

"No. _No._ This-You can't-"

"Yes we can." - Louis cuts him off. "And we hope that's enough."

Zayn blinks down at the envelope. There's money in it. A lot of money. Definitely enough to pay his debt. His body trembles like a leaf as he finally manages to lift his eyes and looks up at is friends.

"I can't take it." - He whispers shakily. "I can't-Where did you get-"

"You will take the money." - Niall shuts him up. He steps forwards and kneels right in front of Zayn. Zayn gapes at him, as the blonde boy grins at his friend. "And we sold some stuff."

 _"Stuff._ " - Zayn repeats dumbly. This is much more than one can get from selling _stuff._

"I sold my old, stupid record player." - Harry shrugs. "I didn't even have any vinyls."

"You what?!" - Zayn breathes. "Harry, you-you adored that thing."

"Well, maybe I adore _you_ more." - Harry grins, with his dimples appearing on his rose cheeks.

"Me, Angela and Liam had some cash saved for the new antenna." - Niall adds. "But we don't need an antenna or TV if we can't watch it with you, right?"

"Oh my God." - Zayn cracks and realizes he's started crying. He tries to wipe tears with shaky hands, but fails because a new wave of sobs hits him. "This is too much. You-You wouldn't get this much money from selling those things."

"I sold Marcus." - Louis adds a whisper.

Zayn's world stops spinning. He feels as if the Earth jumped out of its' orbit and flew away into the space, leaving him behind. His blood freezes in his veins and he suddenly forgets how to breathe. Louis seems to notice his shock, his eyes grow wide and he rushes forward to wrap his arms around Zayn's thin shoulders.

"Hey, hey, no. Look at me. It was old and rusty and barely working. I was planning to sell it anyways, I swear to you."

"You-You've had Marcus for-for almost ten years. You loved-You were crazy about your car." - Zayn whispers and shakes his head. Louis adored his blue, horrible, rusty car. He was in love with it for as long as Zayn can remember. "No, no, I can't take it. I won't-Oh, shit. You- _I-I can't breathe."_

"Fuck." - Niall swears. 

Liam rushes forward, grabs Zayn's hand gently and pulls him up from the couch. He drags him away from his friends, out of the kitchen and house. Zayn doesn't register when they leave the hallway and step outside of the house, he regains his focus when the cold breeze hits his face. He realizes they are standing on the porch. Liam has his arms wrapped around Zayn and he rocks him back and forth slightly.

"Yeah, breathe with me, come on." - He whispers soothingly. Zayn sobs as tears stream down his face and his body trembles in Liam's arms. "You're okay, Bambi."

"I don't deserve this." - Zayn cries and shakes his head. "I don't deserve _you._ "

"No, stop saying that. Hey, look at me." - Liam cups his face and Zayn lifts his eyes to stare up at him. "You are more important than any of those things. You are number one priority for us, yeah?"

"But,-"

"No buts. Zayn, take the money and send it to- them. " - Liam tells him softly. "Promise?"

"I can't-" - Liam's soft lips cut him off, swallowing words right from his mouth. He kisses Zayn for a few second before pulling away and putting his forehead on Zayn's.

"Promise me."

Zayn sniffs and finally nods, knowing he has no other option left.

"Thank you." - He whispers shakily. "Thank you so much."

"End the drama and get in back, will ya?! The house's getting cold!" - Louis whines from behind their backs. Liam giggles because of their annoying friend and drags Zayn back into the house.

But Zayn doesn't agree with Louis. This house will never get cold from now on. Not for Zayn.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ok but "good years"??? it's so good?? and so heartbreaking and sad?? i can't believe there are people out there who say zayn wrote the song because of bitterness. the song is obviously about nostalgia and heartbreak and everything he went through, and lyrics literally say how he misses the boys?
> 
> and idk if lou's twit is about z, and if it is then his passive-aggression needs to leave. i love him but he's not a 18-year-old anymore, he's a grown-up man. so i kinda hope it's not about zayn.
> 
> aaaanyways  
> here's another chap. sorry for any mistakes  
> TW for a possible sexual assault. nothing too graphic, but still.

**Zayn.**

His hands are shaking violently as he stands in front of the familiar metallic door. He clutches the white envelope with his fingers and softly knocks on the door. He decides there's no point to hesitate, this needs to be done. Shuffles and muffles voices can be heard behind the door and after a moment it opens, revealing the face Zayn has learned so well for last couple of years.

Man's lips twist, transforming into something that looks like smirk. Zayn blinks and clears his throat to gain enough force to speak up. 

" _Raven._ How nice of you to visit us." - Ricardo says before Zayn can open his mouth.

The boy feels hot and cold and the same time, tone of freezing voice sends shivers down his spine.

"I-Um, I brought something that belongs to you." - Zayn rasps. The man stares at him for a bit longer and then opens the door wider.

"Come in, then." - Ricardo says with a tight smile. "He's waiting."

Zayn steps inside and the door shuts behind his back. He eyes the familiar hallway, trying hard not to let his calm facade crumple pathetically. He passes familiar doors, ignores faces that stare at him. Faces full of anger, hate and disappointment. He walks with his head hang low, staring down at his fingers not to meet anyone's eyes. Zayn reaches the end of the hallway with Ricardo following his every step. The man stands in front of him, knocks three times on the door and opens it without waiting for a response.

"Get in." - He nods at Zayn, then towards the door. "You've already made him wait enough."

Zayn gulps, but obeys the man. He walks into the room.

Zayn has been working here for years and not once he's been allowed to step into the main office. The room is full of wooden furniture and leathery couches. Marble figures stare at him from the shelves, as if they can see right through Zayn. He shuffles on the place and looks away from them. The huge wooden table is standing right in the middle of the room, along with black chair. And there _he_ is. 

Familiar black hair swept back, piercing deep eyes and thin lips. His ex-boss' face is emotionless, Zayn can't read anything in his gaze. Is he angry at Zayn for ditching out? Does he want to kill him? Torture him?

" _Raven._ " - A smooth voice says. Zayn swallows hardly and nods at the man. 

"H-Hello." - He stutters. The envelope in his hands gets crumpled from his grip. He lifts it so the man can see it. "I-I brought this. Money."

"I see." - The man nods. "Please, put it on my table."

Zayn approaches him slowly and places an envelope shakily right in front of the man. Suddenly, the man's hand flies upwards, gripping on Zayn's forearm as he brings his face closer to Zayn's. Zayn can't stop the gasp leaving his lungs.

"You think you can run out of the deal like that?" - The man hisses, his eyes radiating anger and fury. "You think you can fool me and my clients?!"

"N-No, I-" - Zayn whimpers pathetically, but gets cut off.

"I could kill you easily, with no hesitation." - The man continues. "But my people seem to have grown fond of you. They like you, care about you."

Zayn blinks at him, confused and surprised.

"I get it, you know." - The man grabs Zayn's chin roughly, forcing him to look straight into his cold eyes. "You've got a pretty face, Raven. Wonder how those pretty lips would look wrapped around something big."

Zayn squeezes his eyes shut, tryin to block out the words. The man's finger curls around the belt-loop of Zayn's skinny jeans, pulling him forward.

"I'd show you how bad the consequences of your actions can be. I'd fill you up with regret and pain until you can't walk properly." - His strong hand grip Zayn's waist, sliding up under his sweater like poisonous snakes. His face nears Zayn even closer, lips inches away from the boy's bitten ones. "I'd made you forget how to breathe properly, Raven."

The man's fingers run down Zayn's jawline, his touch leaving burning trace on his skin.

"Too bad I've got business to get back to right now. Or I'd wreck you, little princess." - He lets go of Zayn's face, pushes his shoulders roughly and the boy falls down on the floor with a loud thump. "Get lost before I've changed my mind." 

Zayn doesn't hesitate to scramble off of the floor and run out of the office. He runs out of the house, passing the same doors and rooms without glancing back. His chest feels heavy, vision is blurry from the tears gathered in his eyes. He doesn't try to catch his breath. Instead, he crawls into his car, starts the engine with trembling hands and drives away from the cursed house.

__

**Liam.**

He is sitting on the porch, head resting on his hand as he stares ahead at the street. Zayn's been gone for almost two hours and something eats Liam alive from the inside. He begged the boy to take him with him, said he would wait in the car, but Zayn simply shook his head and told him he had to do it alone. 

So, since Zayn left, Liam has been sitting on the stairs of the porch and waiting as anxiety and worry swirled inside his chest. Niall handed him a cup of tea a few minutes ago, but he hasn't touched it. He has to know Zayn is okay. He needs to know.

Finally, after what feels like an eternity, familiar car turns down the road and parks in front of their house. Liam jumps up to his feet, relief washing over him like a wave. He waits for Zayn to get out of the car so he can talk with him ( _kiss him._ ) But Zayn doesn't leave the car.

Liam's brows knit together, concern wakes up in his body. He takes a few steps towards the car slowly, trying to see Zayn through the windshield. The boy's hands are gripping steering wheel with the whole force as his body shakes and trembles. Liam can't see his face properly, he doesn't know what is wrong with him.

He bolts towards the car with no hesitation and opens the door to driver's seat. Zayn looks up at him with wide eyes, startled from the action. His face is red, stained with paths of tears. Liam's head spins from worry, he gently pulls Zayn's hands away from the steering wheel and holds them in his warm hands.

"Zayn." - He calls the boy softly. Zayn sniffs quietly and looks up at him with his sad, doe-eyes. "What happened, baby?"

Zayn shakes his head and looks away.

"Okay." - Liam places a kiss on top of Zayn's hand. "Okay, let's get you inside the house, yeah? Nialler's made some tea. You must be cold. Come on."

He helps the boy up, slowly, as if trying not to break him. He curls his hand around Zayn's thin wait and guides him towards the house, trying not to think too much about the way Zayn trembles under his touch. They walk into the house and Liam leads Zayn to the couch. 

He kneels in front of Zayn as the boy crashes down on the couch.

"Did something happen, Bambi?"

Zayn shakes his head slowly.

"No." - He whispers. "No, I'm okay."

"Did they hurt you?" - Liam asks concerned.

"No, Liam." - Zayn repeats. "I'm fine."

"Hey." - Liam calls him softly and Zayn meets his eyes. "You can tell me everything. Whatever is on your mind. I'm always here for you."

Zayn stares at him after these words. He stares, and stares, and then suddenly talks.

"I gave them the money. I went to _his_ office and handed him the envelope. He grabbed me and started touching my face and-and body, tried to-said he'd fuck me if he didn't have some stuff to do. He threw me out then, like I was a fucking sex-toy."

Liam stares at Zayn, trying ro process everything he's just heard. Zayn stays unmoving, blinking at Liam. Suddenly, Liam gets an urge to burn the world around them along with everything and everyone that has hurt Zayn. His face twists from anger and Zayn seems to notice it, because he curls his fingers around Liam's wrist softly.

"Don't." - He whispers. "I'm okay. He didn't do anything."

"He did." - Liam grits. "He fucking-He made you feel worthless. He touched you he-he did, Zayn."

"It doesn't matter. I'm here, I'm okay I promise you." - Zayn tells him. "Please, trust me."

"But,-"

"No, I'm fine. Simon didn't hurt me, he let me go and I'm here with you. Please, let's not talk about it, yeah?"

Liam stares at the way Zayn's eyes full of plead look at him. 

"Please, just-just hold me and make me forget about his touches."

__

 

**Niall.**

He whistles the melody of Bohemian Rhapsody under his nose while walking into the living room with a mug of coffee in one hand and bag of crisps in other. He is about to flop down on the couch when he spots familiar silhouettes laying on it. He opens his mouth to whine about this house never having enough couches for them, when he notices the way Zayn shakes under Liam's protective touch. The way Liam tries to shield Zayn with his body, as if trying to provide some kind of protection. The way Zayn buries himself deep in Liam's chest.

He snaps his mouth shut and is about to turn around when Liam's eyes meet his. There is something strange in them, something Niall has never seen. An urge to protect the boy in his arms. And Niall would never ever hurt Zayn, but even he felt threatened and scared to even look at Zayn differently, because he realizes Liam would snap him in half. Liam would rip the head of anyone who ever tries to hurt his Zayn. He looks scary, like a predator, big lion who tries to protect a small cub from danger.

So Niall gives Liam a small smile, nods and walks out of the living room silently.


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> chap's kinda triggering so stay safe, yeah?

**Liam.**

Mornings in this house don't start quietly. They start with Louis' annoying music blasting through the speakers, they start with small, occasional fires in the kitchen caused by Niall's cooking. They start with Harry's whines about finished toothpaste or growl of Angela's blow dryer. Sometimes, they even start with Uber's howling or Natasha's hisses coming from the basement. But not this time.

Liam disconnects his lashes and blinks the sleep away. He wakes up from the unusual silence in the house. Something is not right, his house is never quiet. He sits up in bed and looks around. He remembers falling asleep beside _someone._ Someone, whose slim body is now missing from Liam's bed. Liam gets up, tugs on the socks to prevent his feet from freezing and strides out of the room.

He examines the bedrooms as he makes his way downstairs and all of them look empty. Confused, Liam pads into the kitchen and sighs with a relief when he spots familiar silhouettes around the dining table. Without saying anything, he flops down on the leathery couch near the fridge and yawns, giving his attention to whatever his roommates talk about.

"So, you're telling me my cereal is gone, even though nobody has touched it?!" - Louis hisses from where he's sitting right in the middle of the table.

"Lou, you know I'd never touch your food." - Harry says with a low voice. "You know I care about you too much."

"I know, Curly. I'm not talking about you." - Louis stares at his blonde friend. Niall's brows knit together as he huffs and crosses his arms on the chest.

"I hate Cheerios, Louis." - Niall snaps. "Lucky Charms are the only type of cereal I eat."

"But your girlfriend-"

"Angela's lactose intolerant, and I doubt she'd eat cereal without milk, am I right, honey?" - Niall bumps Angela's shoulder and the girl nods automatically. 

"Yes, that's true." - She tucks a piece of hair behind her ear and sighs. "I _wish_ I could eat any of your cereals with milk, but-"

"Okay, enough of drama." - Louis cuts her off. He turns around on his chair then and faces Liam with narrowed eyes. " _You._ I knew I couldn't trust you!"

Liam blinks surprised and stares back at his angry friend.

"Louis, I don't like cereal in general." - Liam says slowly, holding up his hands in defense. "I swear I didn't touch them."

"So you want me to believe it was Zayn, huh?" - Louis asks all of them. "That he ate the full box of cereals?! The boy's skin and bones, his stomach wouldn't fit all that content!"

"Talking of-Where's Zayn?" - Liam asks as he notices the boy's missing from their _meeting._

"Haven't seen him today." - Niall shrugs and everyone nods along. 

Liam's chest fills up with anxiety. Yes, he knows he shouldn't worry every time Zayn leaves the house, but he can't help himself. The world outside of their house is too ugly, too rough for Zayn's mental state right now. Liam shuffles in the couch uncomfortably and Louis seems to notice a change in his behavior. His gaze softens as he looks at Liam with his blue eyes.

"He's probably out for a run or something." - He tries to assure Liam. "Don't worry, yeah?"

"Yeah, sure." - Liam clears his throat and gets up from the couch. "I was actually going for a run as well, so, yeah."

"Have fun, Hulk." - Louis calls as Liam walks out of the kitchen back towards his room to grab his sweats.

"Okay, I might or might have not eaten the cereal-" - Harry's low voice follows him.

___

 

3 hours of running and letting your head rest from any thoughts is probably the best thing humanity has ever discovered. Or, at least, the best thing Liam has ever discovered. 

He tugs out the earphones, The 1975's _"Chocolate"_ still blasting in them, as he kicks off his sneakers and shuts the door behind his back. Liam breathes heavily, sweat is dripping from his back but he feels good. He always feels good after running, even if his muscles feel sore. He peeks into the living room to examine the situation.

Harry and Louis are sprawled on the couch, stuffing their face with cookies as they watch stupid DVD movies, because well, they don't have an antenna to watch TV. Niall is on the floor beside them, petting all three of their ugly dogs while throwing shady looks at Natasha, who's laying on the bean-chair. Angela's humming can be heard from the kitchen, indicating the girl is cooking, _God bless her._ Only one person is missing. 

"No Zayn?" - He asks. His voice startles Louis, who nearly falls off the couch.

"What the-You can't scare people like that!" - The boy snaps at him and steadies himself in his seat. "And no, no Zayn. We haven't seen him all day."

Liam's brows furrow. That's not good. Not at all. He tries not to think too much as he runs up to his room. He dives into the bathroom for a quick shower, then puts on comfortable sweats and strides back into the living room to join his friends.

He sits down on the rug beside Niall and is about to let himself relax for a bit when a doorbell rings. Liam doesn't let anyone get the door as he bolts up from the spot and runs towards the door. He doesn't even ask who's there, he automatically turns the keys and stares at the person behind the door. 

Zayn hazily blinks up at him as he rocks on his heels, back and forth. His hands are stuffed in the pocket of his jeans as he stares up at something behind Liam.

"Zayn." - Liam breathes with a relief.

"Gonna let me in or nah?" - The boy asks, avoiding Liam's gaze at any cost. Liam steps aside to let the boy walk in and shuts the door behind him. Zayn stops in the hallway and takes his hands out of the pocket, rubbing them together. He looks down at his shoes when Liam walks around him and stands right in front of the boy.

"Where have you been?" - Liam asks softly. He doesn't want to suffocate Zayn with his worrying and concern, but he can't help it. Zayn sniffs and scratches his neck, still avoiding Liam's eyes.

"Out, just-you know. Out. Walking and stuff. Wanted some fresh air."

"You've been gone all morning. And all day." - Liam tells him with a small shrug. "I was worried. We all were."

"Yeah, sorry-you shouldn't have worried. I'm fine." - Zayn runs a hand through his hair nervously. He tugs at the collar of his hoodie with other hand and lets out a shaky breath. "Kinda hot here, innit? Gonna go change."

He walks past Liam and makes his way upstairs, not glancing once at Liam or anyone around. Liam gulps and looks to the side, only to be met with Louis' confused gaze. He follows the boy with no hesitation, and he doesn't even know why. His guts tell him to follow Zayn and he obeys. Zayn is standing in the middle of his room when Liam catches up with him. He's staring up at the ceiling and doesn't notice Liam walking into the room until the taller boy clears his throat. Zayn snaps out of his trance and jerks his head to the side to be met with Liam's concerned gaze. Liam leans on the doorframe and crosses his arms on the chest.

"You gonna stand there while I change?" - Zayn chuckles as he looks away from Liam.

"Why not?" - Liam shrugs.

" 'Cause that's stupid?" - The boy answers with a question. Liam sighs and lets his hands fall to his sides. He pulls away from the doorframe and walks towards Zayn, but the boy takes a step back to avoid Liam's approach.

"Zayn,-" - Liam stops surprised. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing." - Zayn says sternly. "Just wanted to change my clothes. You know, alone? In private? It's just-"

"Can you look at me?"

"-I know privacy is too much to ask for in this house but maybe, _maybe,_ you'll let me change my clothes peacefully, in my own fuckin' room-"

"Zayn." - Liam calls the boy softly, but seems like his voice doesn't even reach Zayn.

"-without anyone intruding or fuckin' walking in without my permission?!" - Zayn's voice ring in the room, a few octaves higher than it was when the boy started talking. His whole body is shaking from rage as he stares down at his feet and lets out a frustrated sigh.

"Please, Zayn,-" - Liam says quietly. "-Just look at me."

"Get out of my room, Liam." - Zayn shakes his head suddenly and starts walking towards Liam, but the taller boy isn't planning on moving. Zayn grabs him by the shoulders and tries to drag Liam out of his room, but fails. 

The size difference between the two is too big and Liam is way too strong and heavy for Zayn to move. Zayn whines annoyed and pushes the boy's chest. 

" _Get. Out._ " - He grits angrily.

"Look at me." - Liam doesn't hesitate to repeat himself, too. He pulls away from Zayn's touch and cups the boy's face to force him to look up. Zayn tries to get out of his grip, but fails. His eyes dart to the side, away from Liam as the boy keeps his face upright. "Zayn, look at me!"

"Get out of my room." - Zayn repeats the words, like a mantra. Like a broken record on Harry's now sold vinyl-player. 

"Look at me, or I swear to God I will _force_ you to." - Liam says, with his voice low and tone cold. It seems to break something in Zayn, because the boy's eyes finally snap at him.

Liam can't keep a gasp escaping his lungs. Zayn's eyes are bloodshot and red, like he's been crying for last couple of hours. His pupils are dilated, gaze is lost and empty. And Liam's heart swells from the sight because he's already seen this look in Zayn's eyes too many times not to recognize it.

"You-Are you- _What did you do?_ " - He asks shakily, his stern tone long gone and forgotten. Zayn swallows hardly and finally wiggles out of Liam's grip. He turns his back at Liam and takes a few steps away from him. "Zayn, why-"

"I need to change." - Zayn says with a numb voice that barely reaches Liam's hearing. "And I don't care if you're gonna get out or stay. Just-I don't wanna hear a lecture from you."

Liam's heart shatters from the words. He feels how tears gather up in his eyes and tries to blink them away.

"When have I ever lectured you?" - He asks heartbroken.

"Whatever." - Zayn pulls away the hoodie and throws it down on the floor. He stays in the t-shirt and jeans, hanging low on his thin hips. He turns around and faces Liam, who's staring down at him with sad eyes. "For fuck's sake, stop staring at me like that."

"Like what, Zayn?" - Liam asks shakily.

"Like I'm a fuckin' freak. Like-Like I need your pity." - Zayn talks with anger filling up his eyes. "I hate when you do this. I hate when you-when you think you can barge in and tell me what to do or not to do."

"Zayn, you've been clean for months." - Liam's voice cracks. He doesn't try to stop the flow of tears sliding down his cheeks. He doesn't care anymore.

"Yeah, well, I don't five a flying fuck." - Zayn spits. "I wanted to get hight, so I went, bought some pills, popped them and got fuckin' high. What about it, huh? What is it to you?!"

"Zayn." - Liam hears Louis' quiet gasp from somewhere behind his back. He looks back only to see Louis, Niall and Harry standing in the hallway with surprised expressions. Zayn scoffs and shakes his head.

"Perfect." - He lets out a humorless laugh. "The whole gang is here. Go on, judge me, like you always do. _Poor, pathetic Zayn._ "

"Zayn, what the hell are you talking about?" - Liam asks shocked. 

Zayn shakes his head violently, face twisted from anger and pain. He looks up at Liam with eyes full of unshed tears.

"You think I don't know why you keep me here? Why you let me stay in this house? 'Cause I'm your charity case, ain't I?!"

"Zayn, you need to calm down,-" - Harry tries to reach for Zayn as he takes a step forward.

"Don't you dare to come near me!" - Zayn growls and points a shaky finger at Harry. "I can't-You have to go. Get out of my room. Leave me the fuck alone!"

"Zayn, we-I'm not leaving you." - Liam tells him. 

"You have to get out." - Zayn repeats, as if he doesn't even hear Liam. "You need to-yeah, need to save yourselves. From-From my poison. From my deathly poison. Oh God, what am I doing?! I could-I can infect you. And you're so good, all of you. You're all so good and I'm posonous, get away from me!"

"What the fuck?" - Louis asks quietly, only for Liam to hear.

And Liam doesn't know what to say. Zayn keeps pacing in his room, hands tugging at the roots of his hair as he mumbles strange phrases and words quietly and ignores everyone around him. Liam gulps and glances at Louis.

"Leave us alone, yeah?" - He whispers. Louis nods sternly and gets out of the room, tugging Harry and stunned Niall along with him. 

Liam approaches Zayn, who is now clawing at his bare arms, still pacing around like a maniac.

"Zayn,-" - Liam holds his hands up in defense, to show Zayn he won't harm him. "Zayn, stop for a moment, yeah?"

"No, no, I need to-I gotta get clean. I'm poisonous, yeah? It's dangerous, it might kill ya. I should-I should get clean, I'm so dirty, I'm so fuckin' dirty-"

Liam's hands try to stop Zayn when the boy's nails dig into his skin. Zayn screams and thrashes as Liam holds him from the back and captures the boy's small frame in his strong arms.

"Let me-I need to get clean! I need to get rid of the poison!" - The boy screams hysterically and kicks his legs to get away from Liam.

"Zayn, you're hallucinating." - Liam whispers shakily. He squeezes his eyes shut to somehow stop the tears escaping his eyes. "Please, Zayn, please calm down."

"Let me go! Get out of my room! Save yourself, get away!" - Zayn continues to scream on the top of his lungs. Liam sobs as he clutches on the boy's shoulders and keeps him closer to his chest. 

"Please,-" - Liam pleads with a choked voice. "Please, stop."

And Zayn does. He stops fighting. He stops kicking and thrashing. He lets Liam hold him and tries to catch his breath.

"Need to-Gotta get clean, fuckin' dirty. Poison dripping from my veins, need to-I'm so sorry," - Zayn mumbles with tired, broken voice in a tone barely above a whisper. All the energy seems to leave his body as he leans backward at Liam's chest. "Gotta get rid of this poison. To-To keep you safe. Gotta save Liam. Need to save Liam. Need Liam to be okay, 'cause I love you, yeah? Love you. I love you."

Liam's shoulders shake from the sobs as Zayn goes limp in his arms. This is not how he imagined to hear the sacred three words from Zayn. This is not the reaction Liam thought he's have with Zayn declaring his love for him. Not pain, not heartbreak. Not fear of losing Zayn. Those words should have made him happy. They should have been said with Zayn laying in the bed beside him, or giggling on the couch in Liam's lap.

Not like this. Not in Liam's arms, barely alive and nearly overdosed. Liam places a kiss on top of Zayn's head and rocks him back and forth. 

"I love you, too." - He whispers shakily. " 'M not gonna give up on you. We're gonna get through this. Me and you, Zayn. Always me and you.

He's not sure whom he tries to assure, Zayn or himself. 

_"Remission is a step to recovery",_ he thinks. 

_"Bullshit,_ he also thinks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please, don't be mad at Zayn. at least try. recovery is a tough, long road and sometimes people going through remission might seem selfish, but they don't mean to. they need help. never leave them alone. 
> 
>  
> 
> if you want to see what drug-addiction looks like, you should check out the movies "candy", "requiem for a dream" and "beautiful boy". or maybe read matty healy's explanation behind the lyrics of "ugh" or read his interview with billboard about his addiction.
> 
> but stay safe, yeah? always stay safe.


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> sorry for any mistakes, chap's unedited

_Record scratch. Freeze the frame. Flashback._

**Liam. 2 years ago.**

He was standing in the middle of the library, flipping through some ancient book full of dust as he tried to find the exact information he needed for an upcoming exam. _Seriously, who cares what rules did ancient Greeks' courthouses have? Were there even any courthouses back then, or did people just stab each-other's backs once in a while? Or wait, that was Rome, not Greece. Screw history._ Liam was trying hard not to crumple down right there, in the middle of the library, from all the anxiety and worry collected in his chest. He was going to fail the exam, get kicked out of the university and his parents would probably give him up for an adoption. Okay, maybe that's a bit of exaggeration, but still. He could not fail. His already destroyed to shreds GPA would go lower, probably down to somewhere in the middle layers of an Earth.

Liam sighed as he realizes the book was no help. None of the books were going to help him study the huge amount of information he needed. So he shut the book, placed it back on one of the shelves and leaned on the wall with his back as he imagined how hard it would be to explain to his mother why he didn't finish the university. He cracks one eye open and glances to the side, towards the entrance door of library as he hears a strange fuss coming from there. Liam's brows knit together and he moves away from the wall, closer to the source of the noise.

"I need to-Please,I can't leave her out here! Just for one hour, I beg you!" - A quiet voice pleaded. Liam tries to see the person to whom it belonged to, but the old librarian's back was all he could see from his spot. The woman shook his head to cut the voice off.

"I can't let you in with a cat and you know that. And I'm not even sure that's a cat!"

"It is a cat!" - A voice whisper-shouts. "Look, one hour is all I ask for. I don't have anywhere else to go, it's almost the closing time, nobody will notice."

"I'm sorry, but I can't." - The woman repeats sternly. She steps aside for a moment and Liam finally sees the person with a cat.

 _Shit._ Liam's jaw drops as he eyes the boy in front of him. He has seen a lot of pretty people. On the campus, in his neighborhood, back in the high school. But Liam has never seen anyone, who could reach this kind of beauty. The boy, probably somewhere near Liam's age, had dark, thick hair that fell down his perfectly sculptured face. His plump lips were twisted in frown, brows wiggled from distress. And, _oh Lord,_ his eyes. Golden eyes, framed with long eyelashes, were blinking up at the woman in front of him and Liam's not sure how the woman didn't crumple down on the floor from the sight, because he definitely would. 

Liam's eyes move down to the boy's body. He's got a backpack hanging on his back, another bag thrown over the shoulder. He is dressed too light for the cold weather outside, wearing nothing but a pair of skinny jeans, combat boots and long black sweater. His hands are shaking as he clutches on something. _Something._ It's not something, it's someone. It's a pink, wrinkly, hairless creature.

"A house elf." - Liam blurts before he can stop himself. His eyes go wide instantly and he slaps a hand over his mouth as the surprised, beautiful boy looks at him. His lips twitch upwards, forming a gorgeous smirk and Liam isn't sure he's breathing properly.

"No, mate. Just a cat. Not Dobbie." - The boy shrugs a shoulder. His thick accent pierces Liam's skin. 

"Zayn, I won't repeat myself." - The woman snaps suddenly, reminding Liam of her existence. _Zayn._ Mystical name for a mystical boy. "You can't bring a cat into library."

The boy's gaze returns to the woman. The smirk gets replaced with a sad frown as he nods.

"Yeah. Okay." - He mumbles. "I-We'll find somewhere else. Thanks anyways."

Zayn turns around on on his heel and is about to walk away when Liam's chest fills up with panic. What if he never gets a chance to see Zayn again? He has to stop him. He has to-

"Wait!" - He calls and runs after the boy, who freezes on the spot from surprise. Zayn looks up at him with eyes full of curiosity when Liam finally catches up. "Where-You have nowhere to go?"

Zayn blinks, obviously confused from the question and Liam mentally slaps himself for being so stupid. What kind of question is that?! Zayn looks down at his feet and adjusts a strap of the bag with his one hand, holding an ugly cat in another. The creature hisses at Liam quietly and the boy fights an urge to flip the cat off.

"Kind of. It's a long story." - Zayn answers slowly. "I just need somewhere to warm up a little bit and-and feed her. Then I'll think about everything else."

Liam's heart clenches from the boy's words and tone. He sounds devastated, sad and Liam wishes he could protect him from the world.

"You can come to my place, if you want to." - Liam suggest quietly. "It's not too far from here. I could make you some coffee."

Zayn opens his mouth to say something, then snaps it closed. He stays quiet for a while and Liam gets a chance to admire his beauty even more.

"I don't even know your name." - Zayn says finally. 

"Oh. Right, sorry. I'm so stupid, God. I'm Liam. Liam Payne." - Liam offers a hand for the boy to shake, but realizes they are occupied with a cat, so drops it awkwardly. "And I promise you I'm not a weirdo or something. I just-just thought you could use a cuppa, some warm blankets and a chance to feed your- _whatever that is._ "

Zayn rolls his eyes, but with a smile on his lips.

"She's a cat and her name is Natasha. I rescued her from the shelter a few days ago. And I'm Zayn."

"I know." - Liam blurts and blushes instantly. "I mean, I heard when the librarian-Anyways! You're coming, right?"

Zayn hesitates to answer. He stares up at Liam, who is blinking rapidly, trying hard not to disappear under the boy's gaze.

"Okay. It's not like I have anywhere else to go. I'm practically homeless."

"You can live with us!" - _Seriously, does Liam's mind has any kind of control over his tongue?_

Zayn's eyes grow comically wide from the words. 

"Really?" - He asks quietly. 

"Yeah. I mean, my roommates are kinda weird, but they're good people. Plus, I have a huge house with empty rooms. You can live with us, at least until you find somewhere else. I promise I'm not a maniac, people around here know me, you can ask around, I won't try to-yo kill you or-"

"Okay." 

Liam's words get cut off, _thanks God they do._ Zayn is staring at him with his golden eyes.

"O-Okay?"

"Yeah. Why not. I'll live with you."

___

 

_Back to the present. Unpause the frame._

Liam looks down at the small figure, hidden underneath the thick blankets and pillows. A small glimpse of black hair is peeking through the blankets, creating a contrast from the white sheets of Liam's bed. He strides forwards and kneels, to be on the same level as the laying boy. Liam's fingers run through thick curls and Zayn hums quietly, leaning in touch.

"Zayn." - He calls softly. The boy stirs, but doesn't open his eyes. "Zayn, you've got to wake up. You need to eat."

"G'away." - Zayn responds sleepily. 

"No, you need to get up." - Liam shakes his head. "Come on, open your eyes." 

Zayn's long eyelashes flutter over his hollowed cheeks until he finally opens his eyes and reveals the golden orbs. He blinks hazily at Liam, vision still blurred from the sleep. He tries to hide his face away into the pillow, but Liam's hand moves from hair to Zayn's cheek and cups the boy's face.

"Wanna sleep." - Zayn rasps.

"I know. But you've slept for sixteen hours already." - Liam sighs. 

"Don't care." - The boy breathes but obeys Liam. He crawls out of the blankets when Liam pulls his hand away and sits up, eyes squinted from the light. He puts a hand on his forehead and sighs shakily. "Fuck, my head's throbbin'."

"You need to eat something, you'll feel better." - Liam tells him. He sits down on the corner of the bed beside Zayn and stares at the smaller boy. Zayn looks around the room, the down at what he's wearing and freezes. His eyes slowly crawl up until they meet Liam's brown ones.

"I'm wearing a hoodie." - Zayn notes. 

"Oh, yeah. You were sweating pretty badly at night. Moving around, um, thrashing from-from hallucinations, I guess. So I had to change your clothes." - Liam mumbles.

"It's _your_ hoodie."

Liam gulps and looks down at his fingers.

"It was the first thing I could find. I can get you something else-"

"Thank you." - Zayn whispers. Liam's eyes snap up at him. The boy buries his nose in the hoodie and inhales, closing his eyes. He opens them after a moment and looks at Liam. "Not just for a hoodie. For-You know. Last night. And I'm sorry."

"There's no point in apologizing, Zayn." - Liam shakes his head. "It happened. Something snapped inside your mind and it happened. Instead of apologies, we should focus on making sure it never happens again. 'Cause that's what you want, right?"

Zayn nods with sad look on his face. He looks so small, so fragile that Liam is sure his heart will burst any minute now. He leans forward and captures Zayn's frozen hands between his large ones and places a small kiss on the boy's knuckles.

"It's okay. We'll fight it, yeah?" - He tells the boy softly. Zayn nods again and gets out of the blankets. He crawls forward, right into Liam's chest and curls up on himself. Liam's hands run up and down his spine soothingly. "We'll be okay. It's going to be fine."

__

**Louis.**

He places a mug full of tea in front of him and flops down beside the table. His fingers curl around the hot cup as he tries to calm the storm in his mind. Niall clears his throat from where he's sitting in front of Louis and causes him to snap out of his trance.

"We all know there'a something we gotta talk about, right?" - Niall asks.

Louis stays quiet. He doesn't know what to say.

"Has this happened before?" - Angela asks. She's sitting beside Niall, with a hand placed on the boy's bouncing knee. Niall chuckles humorlessly and nods.

"It's been happening for years. But he was clean. For months. And now we're back where we began."

"It wasn't always _this_ intense. I guess his body didn't take the substance so well after months of being drug-free." - Harry says sadly. 

"What are we going to do?" - Angela asks quietly. 

"Nothing. We're gonna take him to the rehab and that's it." - Niall snaps. Harry's eyes grow wide and mouth snaps open from surprise.

"Niall, you can't-That's not what we should do!"

"Oh, really? Then what should we do, huh?! Maybe lock him in the house? Quick reminder - done that. Hide his money? _Ding, _done that, too!" - Niall scoffs. "There's nothing we can do in this situation, Harry. Not anymore."__

__"You can't give up on him like that." - Harry shakes his head with brows knitted together. "He's our friend. We need to help him. At least try to."_ _

__"Yeah, like Liam tried? Well, look where it got him. The poor lad's heart broken to pieces. That's not gonna work, he needs a professional help!"_ _

__"Niall, we can't take him to the rehab only because he relapsed once." - Angela tells the blonde boy softly. "He's been doing so good for so long."_ _

__" _Well, now it's all gone!_ " - Niall yells suddenly with a voice full of anger. "We're back to him stumbling home late at nights, high off his face and us being scared he's gonna end up in fuckin' morgue from OD!"_ _

__"Don't be a selfish prick, you can't make this about yourself." - Harry snaps. "This isn't about your worrying, this is about Zayn and his addiction!"_ _

__"Oh, yeah? Well, guess who'll have to find him overdosed on the floor one day, Harry. _Us!_ Me, you, Angela, Liam-"_ _

__"Shut up." - Louis finally manages to hiss._ _

__Niall's eyes snap at him. Louis is shaking, his whole body is trembling from nerves and anger, fury even. His fingers are gripping the cup, knuckles turning ghostly white from the pressure. Angela gulps from the sight and shuffles in his seat. Harry tries to put a soothing hand on his shoulder, but Louis flinches away from his touch._ _

__"You fuckin' idiot." - Louis shakes his head and finally looks up at Niall. From the boy's reaction he knows his eyes are full of anger right now. "You arsehole, don't you fuckin' dare to blame him for anything that is happening right now. You don't have the slightest clue about anything, do you?"_ _

__"Lou,-" - Harry tries to calm him._ _

__"Don't, Harry." - Louis cuts him off. He narrows his eyes at Niall and leans forward. "You think it's his fault. You think he woke up one day and decided to say " _screw it, 'm gonna go get high again. "_ Is that what you think?!"_ _

__"Nobody has pressured him to do anything, that I know at least." - Niall mumbles._ _

__Louis smashes his fist on the table from fury, spilling a bit of tea but nobody gives a damn right now. He gets up from the chair and points a finger at Niall._ _

__"You have no idea what is going on inside of his head! You never will! You don't know what he's been through." - He shakes his head with a disgusted look on his face. "You think sending him off would be so easy, don't you? Getting rid of him?! So you can fuckin' relax and be sure nobody wakes you up at nights?!"_ _

__"I want to help him!" - Niall bolts up as well. "That's why I want him to got rehab!"_ _

__"Oh, you wanna help him, huh?!" - Louis walks around the table and stands right in front of Niall. "Well, in that case, you should get out of your own ass and do something!"_ _

__"I'm fucking trying!"_ _

__"Do you know why he lives with us and not with his own family, that lives three fuckin' blocks away from here?!" - Louis shouts, pushing Niall's chest furiously. "You know why he hates his birthdays, when he doesn't get the only call he waits for?! Do you know why he's been so distant these past few days, flinching every time someone touches him?! Do you fuckin' know anything about his life, Niall?!"_ _

__Niall stays quiet. He stares at Louis, who is now trying to catch his breath as his heart hammers in his chest. The room drowns in silence, Louis' panting and loud breathing stays the only sound filling up the air. Louis fills how tears gather in his eyes, so he looks down at his feet and shakes his head._ _

__"We need to stay beside him." - He adds with a choked voice. "That's all we can do right now. Just-Stay beside him. Not send him away, not force him to do anything. Just _be_ there. He'll fight his own battles, when he knows he's got us."_ _

__Niall swallows hardly, regret and pain written all over his face as he shuffles from one feet to another. Louis knows he didn't mean any harm. He knows Niall's heart it too pure. The boy is too naive, that's why he needs a reality check once in a while._ _

__Someone clears their throat behind them. Louis flips around and his face probably grows crimson red._ _

__"You're done yellin'?" - Liam asks with a serious tone. Louis gulps and nods, avoiding Zayn's eyes, who stands beside Liam. "You know walls here are pretty thin, right?"_ _

__"It's okay." - Zayn whispers. He's hugging himself, as if he tries to protect himself from the outer world. He takes a few steps forward, looking small in Liam's huge hoodie, and stands in the middle of the kitchen. "I wanted to-I'm sorry. For yesterday. And everything. Sorry for all the mess. I promise you I'll get better. For real, this time."_ _

__"Zayn,-"_ _

__"No, it's fine, Niall." - Raven-haired boy looks up at his blonde friend. "You're right, this mess isn't happening to me only. It affects all of you, too. I promise you it won't happen again. I can-I'll get clean, once and forever."_ _

__Niall doesn't let him say anything else. He launches forward, but freezes on spot with the puzzled look on his face. He looks at Zayn and bites down his lip anxiously._ _

__"Can I-Can I hug you?" - Niall asks quietly._ _

__Louis' heart swells. He doesn't know what exactly has happened to Zayn in last couple of weeks, but the change in his behavior was obvious and he is glad Niall listened to him._ _

__Zayn nods slowly and ends up locked in warm embrace in a second._ _

__"You'll get better. I love you, we all do." - Niall mumbles, his voice muffled with the fabric of Zayn's ( _Liam's_ ) hoodie. "We're here, yeah?"_ _

__"Yeah." - Zayn repeats. Niall pulls away after a moment and tries to blink the tears away, sniffling quietly. Louis smiles at him and shakes his head fondly._ _

__Zayn turns around slowly and faces Liam, who is leaning on the counter with his back. The taller boy looks down at Zayn with concerned look._ _

__"One more thing." - Zayn says quietly and Louis isn't sure he's supposed to hear it. "What I said last night, it's true. The timing was pretty bad, but-yeah. I love you, Leey-"_ _

__Liam cuts Zayn off with as he charges forward hungrily and captures his lips in a kiss. And Zayn doesn't flinch away, he never flinches away from Liam's touches. Louis smirks and turns around because yeah, _he definitely wasn't supposed to hear that.__ _


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i may or may not have quoted supernatural. so what? sue me (pls don't)

**Zayn.**

Zayn's bones ache so much, he's not sure how the hell is he still alive. Every atom, every fiber in his body buzzes from pain and his mind longs for the only release he can think of. _Pills. Pills. Need them. Need some relief._

No.

He shakes his head and closes his eyes as his back leans on the wall of his bedroom. He needs something else. He needs to do something, that will take his mind off the drugs. Something that will shoot adrenaline through his veins without him injecting or swallowing any chemicals. Zayn needs something to feel alive. A sudden thought flashes through his fogged mind. His heart misses a beat and that's when he realizes - he knows what he has to do. He knows what will send him over the edge and make him forget about drugs.

Shakily, he fishes out his phone from the pocket of sweats and unlocks it. Louis changed the wallpaper to one of his stupid selfies again, but Zayn doesn't mind. He even huffs a laugh from the sight. He dials the number he's dialed so many times, but never dared to hit call and waits.

The blood in his veins seems to freeze. Shivers run down his spine as his head starts spinning and he's not sure how long he can wait. But his thoughts get caught off when ringer stops and gets replaced with a confused voice.

" _Hello?_ " 

And, _shit._ Zayn hits the speaker button before dropping the phone from his trembling fingers and burying his face in hands. He tries to catch his breath, tries to forcefully steady his heartbeat, but nothing works. 

" _Who's callin'?_ " - The voice asks again. Zayn lets out a small whimper and squeezes his eyes shut. After a moment, he finally calms down a bit and manages to speak up.

"It-It's me." - He chokes. 

" _Zain?_ " - The old pronunciation of his name, the one he hasn't hear in years, sends him into another thunderstorm of feelings, but this time he keeps himself together.

"Yeah." - He whispers. "Yeah, it's me."

A moment of silence follows.

" _Didn't expect you to call._ " - The voice mumbles quietly.

"I know. How-How are you?" - He forces himself to say more than one sentence answers.

" _Good. We're okay. And you, Zain?_ "

Zayn ignores the question, because how the hell is he supposed to answer _that?!_

"How are the girls?" - He asks instead. The visions of three smiling faces flash through his mind and his heart swells.

" _They're good. Safaa just won a competition of essays in her school. She's really good at writing. And Donya's very talented in art. Just like you. She likes to draw._ "

Zayn smiles at the words and sniffles quietly. 

"And you, mom?" - He ignores the way his tongue curls around the word _mom._ "How are you?"

A small sigh rings through the phone.

" _Okay, I guess. Stressed a bit from work, but it's fine._ "

"Okay. Yeah, good." - Zayn swallows hardly. "I just-"

" _Are you on drugs?_ " - The cold tone sends shivers down Zayn's spine. 

His soul breaks from the words. He hangs his head low and shakes his head.

"No, mom. No, I'm not high." - He whispers shakily. "I-I've been tryin' to quit."

" _Trying? Well, that's not good enough._ " - The voice says disappointed. " _You know we love you, but your behavior causes too much of a damage. I can't let you near the girls and you know that._ "

"I'm-I'm off the pills, mom." - Zayn chokes and he hates how pathetic his pleading voice sounds. "I'm gonna be okay. I haven't seen them since-I haven't seen you for years. You've missed my birthdays, you-you never called. Mom, I waited for your calls. Every year,-" - His voice breaks and he's not sure he can breathe properly anymore.

" _I'm sorry, Zain._ " - His mother sighs. " _But you have to understand. I'm doing this for my children._ "

"But you're _my_ mother, too" - Zayn whispers.

" _I'm Zain's mother. My son is bright, cheerful and he loves painting and cooking. He's not a drug-addict. He's not ruined. Contact us when you get your life together. I won't tell your father you called, he will be really mad. Good bye, Zain._ "

"Mom, don't please-"

The call ends.

Zayn stays glued to the floor, still holding phone in his hand as he realizes world around hi continues to exist. The Earth continues to move, even though his own life gets destroyed, piece by piece. He doesn't even register a movement beside him until his body gets locked in strong arms and phone gets taken away from his shaking fingers.

"It's okay." - The soothing voice whispers as soft hands run through Zayn's hair. "You're very brave for calling her. And you're okay, yeah?"

Zayn closes his eyes and nods, not trusting his vocal cords enough to say anything. He leans in touch and gets buried in warm chest.

"We've got you." - Liam mumbles. "Lou found some old Disney DVDs and we're gonna have a movie marathon. You're okay, Bambi. You're fine."

" _I'm fine._ " - Zayn repeats and maybe, for a moment, he even believes it. "She doesn't love me, but it's fine. I don't need their love."

"They do love you, Zayn." - Liam says softly. "They don't understand anything, but they love you. There's no way of not loving you."

"I don't care." - Zayn shakes his head. "I don't-They are not my family. I found a new one. I don't need their love. Family don’t end in blood,’ but it doesn’t start there either. Family cares about you. Not what you can do for them. Family is there, for the good, bad, all of it. They got your back. Even when it hurts. That’s family. And they-they are not my family. You are."

Liam places a kiss on top of Zayn's head when the boy places his head on his shoulder.

"I love you, Bambi." - He whispers then. "And you are right - we are a family. Messy, loud and annoying one, but still a family."

"Yeah." - Zayn chuckles. "And as a family, we have a very important mission - always keep Niall's stomach full."

Liam laughs at this and holds Zayn even closer to his chest. Zayn closes his eyes for a moment and lets his blood flow through his veins again. He doesn't regret dialing that number, he doesn't regret breaking his own heart for millionth time.

He doesn't regret anything as long as he's secure and safe in Liam's warm arms.


End file.
